I am here. Today is Monday Jan 17th 2011, my daily blogging continues.
I attended a weekly status meeting today, with 20 other co workers. Very fascinating experience, what happens and what really goes on within in the board rooms of capitalistic building blocks. Yes boardrooms are the building blocks of capitalism, where decisions are made and executed. Profits are promised, people are hired and fired, within all that the element of care is never considered.
But who is really this capitalist? Anyone who participate in this money system is a capitalist. so naturally, i am a capitalist, in fact everyone in this world is actually a capitalist. nobody can escape capitalism. Within the meeting rooms, we simply get to see an inner point of view of capitalism.
As the status meeting got started, i can feel a strong sense of fear got into me. As i have not made much progress in the last past week, so i was apprehensive about facing the meeting. i was sitting about half way around the circle of workers. I couldn’t accomplish much in the previous week, yes i had some logistic challengers, some technical difficulties etc. But more than that, i gave into fears of not been able finish the job. I entertain thoughts of not finishing the assignment, i perceived myself giving up on the job. And they do compound, each such thought of giving up compounds. My compounding moment was in the meeting, when my turn came up, i was overtaken by energy of self-doubt and self-fears. I can hear myself giving bullshit excuses one after another, as to why my progress is still lacking etc.
Granted, i could have simply focused on my job, made a list of things to achieve, and get it done one by one. I mean, had i remained here as the living breath, here, i could have accomplished much within the last week. I had lost the breath many times, found it difficult focusing on my breathing, so naturally couldn’t pay much attention to work details, hence, i didn’t have much progress to show. so an immediate consequence was, i was made the ‘owner’ meaning, i was given full responsibility for the feature i am working on. so any questions, concern from anyone within the organization will be directed towards me. wow, that is a big role. now i have to really take charge, and take ownership of the assignment, and deliver it. Be accountable and responsible for the work i am hired to do. I tend to just like writing the software but not so responsible for making it available for the eventual users of it. i leave it once the design and development is done. meaning, i leave it half baked. i just do the fun part, and leave the not so fun part to others, or i simply don’t bother about it, until a consequence is forced upon me.
So as each one present his/her status, you get to see the real solders of capitalism at work. each is trying to survive, pay their rent, mortgages, car payments, so for all those bills, we simply totally give into the demands of capitalistic culture. But do we have a choice ? None whatsoever. Either die or surrender to work culture, to capitalistic culture. Status meetings are fun sites to see how humans are really a bunch of slaves to this economic model we have.
while my self-application is improving thanks to the demands of work. there is no other way, i have to learn to live breath by breath and apply myself to whatever i do. be at work or home, i live as breath by breath. so self application is important everywhere. so thanks to the lovely capitalistic culture, i get to self apply all the desteni tool even more vigorously. i have no choice.
Then, i imagine how it would be to work without ever having to worry about been fired, or lacking money etc. The driving current is money, as fear of poverty, fear of not having money, is what really driving us humans. At team meetings, this fear shows up really nicely. As capitalists keep pushing on us workers, we just do it all for the money.
Money is the god, who decide who will live and who will die. The energetic possession i felt at work today was really due to the hidden fears of losing my income. i mean, wtf, do i really care of employment? i love to write software, but i sure don’t need the stress of deadlines and whatnot. But i have no choice, i need the money to live, so i have to find the most effective way to get the job done. Again, self application of breath as living here, in the physical is the key. Live here as the breath, focus here, not in the thoughts, just here as the breath, will get any job done. I need to survive within this money system.
At status meetings, i am getting closer and closer to Equal Money System, and Equal Labor System, as i am convinced without a single doubt, how mad and crazy is the capitalistic work cultures and their systems are. I mean, this mad race is only creating stress to the point of death and destruction. I am unconditionally a one vote for equal pay, equal money and equal labor, Yes, i need to learn to be more responsible at work, capitalism is no excuse not to finish an assignment on time. Capitalist or not, i must work/live within breath by breath to finish what is at hand. No excuses there.
But this fucking capitalism and its curse must end. the fear of not getting a job done must end, let work be a self expression, let plannings and deadlines be common sense and practical, not life sucking mindless lines where life and death is decided by money. Yes, deadlines are need to finished things on time, but how deadly should the deadline be? for the capitalistic system, deadline means, you die while the rich live sucking your blood. very funny.
So, my focus must improve, living within the breath must improve, my self application of breath must improve, more and more, i must just live here, as i improve in self discipline. so that i will be here, not inside my head. thanks to the demands of capitalism, i am forced to become self disciple, to be here in the physical/breath more and more.
There is no doubt, capitalism must end, the curse of capitalism must end. Status meetings should be where we simply discuss how to accomplish something, how to finish something, how to find creative solutions, etc etc, Status meetings are not session for the human body to experience intense tension and stress, due to fear of losing that income. the fucking pay check. of course, who will i be without an income in this reality? a dead man walking in fact. As there are no systems to care, to support anyone.
Equal Money will sort that out. Equal money, Equal Labor will make ‘working’ an awesome experience, as it would be self expression. I for one, will love writing code, without the fear of losing it all. I know I will benefit from Equal Money. My entire approach to work will change.
Within Equal Labor and Equal Money Systems, I will enjoy status meetings at work.