Past is Tailgating

I am here, Today is Jan 28th, 2011. My daily blogging continues.

Past is always tailgating. I am looking at my past, I am looking at her past. I am looking at our past. In all this, I am trying to resurrect the past ‘as a tool of revenge’. Indeed past is preciously for that reason, a tool to seek revenge and be spiteful.

Tonight, I reminded again, just live here in the breath of this moment, i mean where else to be ? To escape into the future is madness, to dwell in the past is insane. So, where can I safely be ? Here, now, within the body, within the breath. I see my mind is racing to the ‘tomorrow’. I see tomorrow is going to be a tough day, and I already projecting it, I am already feeling the heat of tomorrow. Gosh, but my body is here, my breath is here. Its not fair, I am not giving my body nor my breath my attention. I am basically ignoring my breath and my body. This is self negligence and self abuse.

I am here. I do what must be done practically within the principle of equality and oneness, meaning, ‘do unto others, what i like to be done unto me’. Very simple. Don’t allow fucking emotions and feeling to rollover me. I am here as breath. I am here as the attention, the power of me.

When i give my attention to my thoughts, emotions and feeling, i am giving up my self power. My attention is my self power. So, i have to be very careful where i place my self attention. To follow my thoughts, emotions and feelings is stretching my attention, hence i am stressed, because my attention is stretched. I am here.

Here is where existence is. Yes I say that with knowledge, but I realise its simplicity.

So, tonight, I am sharing self-forgiveness to live here. No more tailgating of the past.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to exist and live within the past of my mind.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to exist as my past.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to live within my past.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to recall the past.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to escape this breath and go to the
past.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to desire the past.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want to be in the past.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fall back into past.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to recall the past as a tool of revenge.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think about the past as a tool of
revenge.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to pull shit from the past as a tool of revenge.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to exist as revenge of the past.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to exist as revenge.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to love to bring the old shit out.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to love to bring the old pain out and hammer them out. it is revenge.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to love to blame the beings here for their apparent bad past.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to blame others for their past.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to blame myself for my past.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel shame when i see my past.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel abused when i recall my past.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to see myself as an abused child thru the eyes of the past. in this give power to the so called abuse that was in the past.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to give reality to the past.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to give life to the past.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to bring the past back into life here.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want the past to be here.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want the past to exist here so that i can feel the same shit of the past.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to give my attention to the past.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to give my attention to the memories
of the past.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want to avoid the past because i am so ashamed of some past stuff.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be selective about my past memories. because some hidden past bring shame in me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel shameful about my abusive past.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel guilty for my abusive past.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel shame and guilt for my ‘difficult’ past.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel dirty and shame for my so called tough past.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that some of past is horrible while other parts are beautiful.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be angry when i recall my past.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be happy when i recall some parts of my past.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have mix feeling about my past.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have anger and happiness when i recall my past.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want to be happy when i recall my past. because i want to believe that my past should be a beautiful thing. this is a believe
system.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have believes about how and what i should be. and how my past should be.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to exist as shame.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be shameful because i don’t’ have a great past.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be revengeful because wrongs were done unto me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be self judgemental because i believe them to be right.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to exist as bullshit belief systems.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want to conform myself to bullshit believe systems.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want to comply with bullshit believe systems.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realise that correction of the past means, i must correct my present here. as i live here as my breath i self correct me and my past. all is corrected within me, as i live here as the breath of life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realise that self correction here in this very breath, is the way to correct the past.

I remain here as the breath. I remain here as my human physical body.

No more past. Till here no further, I no longer need my past, I no longer need to exist within the past and future. i am here as breath of life.

I breathe.

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