I am here. breathing, Feb 9, 2011, my daily blogging continues.
Yeh, not being present in the moment is uncool. today, a coworker came to my cube wanting to inquire about some issue, but i was too involved in my own work stuff, and i couldn’t step out of it and be present to this being who is here, wanting to find some information. even though i came around to it, was listening to what he got to say etc, but i was not really there. i was thinking about what i was doing, not really listening to him. a single breath would have eased up the issue,
so naturally i really didn’t’ pick what he was asking me, so i gave a half baked solution, he was bit pissed off with that, as he was going away, he didn’t hesitate to show off his anger at me, very subtly of course. my justification was i was too tired from last night, having not slept much, meaning got interrupt few times in the middle of deep sleep by a snoring human, so all day, i told myself that i am tired. not cool. this breath i am here, just breath, i am here, i mean i am not falling down from sleepiness, its just a bit of yawning. alertness of mind comes from breath, from breathing here, not from long hours of sleeping.
so when the guy came for information, i was either in the mind thinking that i am tired or, was tired because i have been thinking as such. the comment he made while leaving was bit rude, i got embarrassed, but hey, only if i accept and allow such bullshit within me. i mean he can say anything, even if he is half right, the embarrassment comes only if allow it. so no, i am here as breath.
But the whole thing came about because i was not here as breath, when the person came for some information. i couldn’t’ stop my stuff for a moment, and attend to his concerns. i can’t do 2 things at the same time, so might as well do one thing properly within the breath, each breath. its neglecting the breath here what caused the drama this morning, no need for it actually, a simple breath here, could have done a lot of good for us.
so a lesson learned, just this breath, i can only do whatever i do in this breath, so have to talk to someone, just talk, whatever is that you, just do it within the breath, within just this breath, equal and one to this breath and whatever is here within this breath. equal and one to all as life.
is it really he less important than what was i thinking at that moment? is he less than the thoughts i was having at that moment? if anything, it is my thoughts that needs least of my attention, all else is equal and one as life as me.
so everything that happens here in this moment/breath, is here as life, deal with it, fully equally. no thing is less than any ‘other’ thing.
its here, so it is equal and one as life. i am here with all equally. i don’t’ discriminate ‘that’ to be more important than ‘this’. all is here as life. i am here as breath.
so i am here in the moment, present fully and equally.