Its been two weeks now since I last wrote a blog entry, I can feel it i am rusty. Things can easily hit the ground and make it very hard to stand up again. Since June 30th i could say i have been on a gradual Fall, or have been falling. We moved into a new house on that day, and I have allowed one thing or another to become a conflict following the move. I can easily say, i have allowed my ego and mind possessions to take over, hence for solid 2 weeks, I have been on a fall sort to speak, meaning, got stuck in the mind and emotions, got into debates and arguments, went on looking for conflicts, looking for points to fight about, blame about it.
It has been a mind mess for last 2 weeks. I can see how I allowed myself to give into the mind and egoic positions just for the heck of making a conflict. its almost like a fight has to take place, its like i am hell bend on starting a conflict. Some days, you can just tell that i am looking for a conflict, you can tell that i have decided to be a devil. You can tell, that i have given up self responsibility entirely and got into the mind’s drama.
Once the mind is in control and emotions are feeding it, days and weeks can be easily lost, giving it the name, “Falling”.
Is it really a Fall? well yeh, it was, because i knew all along my words and actions would have nasty outputs yet I allowed myself to go into them. so i allowed the Fall to happen. I allowed it. I allowed myself to ride the wave of emotions to the fuck-town where I can experience the Fall.
Hence there has been no writing, no vlogging, no videos.
Its time to breathe and restart, whatelse i am going to do? stay fallen? no. not at all.
Time to breathe and do some writing, so here it is, I am back to self writing and soon will be doing self support videos.
desteni process is a self process, I am the only one I cannot hide from. so I can write any bullshit for others, but I know my own pit, the hell I created for myself and others. Therefore I know, it is time to self writing to freedom, its time to breathe and stand up, again, yes again.
I am here. let me restart my desteni process again. Otherwise the price to self pity, self judgment, self blame, regret or remorse is very severe, so it is better I buckle up and stand as life again.
After all, just this one life to live, might as well stand up each time I fall and get up for LIFE.
To remain fallen is worse than death.
So here I am.