Craving for Attention Leads to Isolation.

I am here. After all this is self writing. I have been putting off writing again, it is amazing how quickly the accumulation takes effect. Haven’t done the ‘daily writing’ thing for a while now. Writing here and there makes no  difference to me, I have found. I have to write daily, in that, I accumulate and it shows in my life. I found daily writing assist me even in my speaking. I have done some voice recordings lately, and in that, I have neglected ‘daily writing’, no good.

Daily writing doesnt’ mean writing a book every day, Nope, just write something, even just 200-300 words is ample because point is not about writing or how much is written, it is all about committed, disciplined self expressions via writing. As daily writing happens, self expression takes form and beauty. On my previous ‘daily writing’ era, I have felt the beauty of daily writing and joy of it too. Whereas nowadays, its rarely a daily thing, rather infrequently occasional.

Well there is no mourning, simply start writing on a daily basis. Write something, write anything,. Its like say, eat something, eat anything if you’re hungry. Likewise, to open the self up, write anything, allow self to express.

Ok that is my write up about writing, so now let me actually do the writing, a point, any point to write about.

I have been possessed by energy lately, well, i have always been an energy sucker, but lately it has compounded. In the mornings when I wake up, or at late night when I about to retire for the day, a strong urge of neediness comes. I feel so needy, gosh, I need some kind of energetic approval, an acknowledgement , a word of comfort, a call, an email, something, anything, to validate that my existence.

So what seems to happens is, as I go into that needy state, my ego must be shrinking, hence an energetic boost is sought after at any cost. PAY ATTENTION TO ME, or else. That is how I scream when I become energetically needy. Now, if it is so happened, my wife becomes attentive to me or acknowledges me in anyways, I am all ok, within moments I calm down, as if no Tsunami had taken place. However, if she decided to avoid me or not acknowledge me, behold a war will break out. And sure enough, after the war, I will feel all normal, as if nothing had happened. Which proves beyond any doubt, that all I am seeking is an energetic boost while I am in that needy state.

This is a pattern I have lived for 20+ years, since my teen years. I recall whey mother didn’t ack, I would burst out in extreme anger, and at various stages, there were different people who took the brunt of my anger for not acknowledging me.

What I have accumulated in that is to actually make people hate me, I have actually manifested the opposite. By craving for their attention, I got the opposite, they ended up avoiding me at all cost. I have lost many relationships to this one single mind-pattern.

I am looking at this very seriously, this a make or break pattern. If i accept and allow it, further ruin will follow. There is no choice, but to stop it for once and for all. ’till here no further, i stop the energetic neediness within me, till here no further, I will not look to boost my ego’s energetic feeding needs. Realizing very well that my ego is craving for energetic boost, and it is only a momentary madness, all I have do is just hang onto the breath and never give into the rush madness of the ego. That is my only option.  so till here no further, I will not allow myself to seek energetic boosts from others. I breathe.

In life and death, we alone actually, so why bother to demand people to pay attention to me and in that actually lose them, what madness is this ?

Till here no further. I stop giving into this energy madness. I dont’ need to feed my ego, it is a parasite that has no end. Hence, I simply breathe and remain here. This moment will pass, this desperate urge and pain of the mind will pass, I just have to breathe here.

I am here.

Join the desteni-i-process, learn the tools to undo the madness of our individual and collective egos.

Pre-programmed Life. Astrological predictions, will They Become True?

Here I am email responding to a question asked about astrology, astrological predictions, and pre-programmed life etc.


Yes things are pre-programmed for the most part. But is it every breath you take pre-programmed? This very breath you take right here now, is it preprogrammed to such an extent, how you will breathe and how you will inhale/exhale etc? There are millions and billions of cells in your body, isn’t it, can astrology predict the movement of each cell because your life is pre-programmed ? 

I understand many things/events were pre-programmed in our lives, but that doesn’t imply a complete robotic way of existence. Generally speaking things are going to be worse much worse in coming years isn’t it, at least that is what we hear from desteni portal interveiws. And it makes sense, the abuse must end, so as part of the ending of the current system, much suffering is on the way. listen to those early portal interviews. 

Now astrology as such is a whole different matter. I dont’ subscribe to astrology, not anymore anyways. Just as how i got rid of my religious and cultural BS, i totally got rid of astrology. Once i was an astrology addict, recall going to see astrologers in Toronto with such excitement and joy to hear my fate; very similar to anticipating a sexual excitement, a thrill to visit the astrologer, to hear him speak about my wonderful future. 

Amazing how trapped i was into it, now, astrology is nothing, it has completely lost its charm. So what about all those astrological predictions apparently pre-programmed, will they come true? I don’t know, for sure, time will tell. Again, you cannot convince yourself of anything; do your self forgiveness, become self honest, then all such BS predictions vanishes. You will laugh at your astrologer’s predictions for its utter childlike nonsense, for him its real stuff. 

Nothing can predict you once you’re walking a self honest life. Life cannot be predicted, only a mind-controlled system of things can be predicted. Based on the power of astrology, can your astrologer predict the dawn of Equal Money System on this earth? I bet he can’t, for it is not part of the pre-programmed things. 

I know i didn’t answer your questions here, but the simplest advice is, walk your life, breathe, self forgive, become self honest, engage yourself fully within the desteni process, then, you will direct you as the directive principle. You’re life, you’re your own directive principle, certainly not your astrologer nor his predictions going to direct you. 

You becoming you is the greatest gift you can Give for you, hence you for(G)vie you. 

ok cool, next time