When and as I see myself making assumptions such as “He must be looking at her chest” I stop and breath and realise that I am entering into a pattern of jealousy, anger and resentment. I realise that this pattern has consequences where I will end up feeling less than RR because within my mind I am always the one that is loosing her. I do not allow myself to make this assumption, I stop and breath and remain here.
When and as i see myself making assumptions that she is flirting with another guy, i stop it right then and there. Because I know it is a mind pattern that i am so used to, i know it will take me to self-hell, so i stop this pattern right here, i assist myself with breathing. i am here. i am ALL-one. It is my mind fearing loss, hence it is my mind seek to accuse and assume so it can make judgements about RR. i stop this pattern here.
When and as i see myself assume that RR is chit-chatting too much another guy, i simply stop that thought/judgement right then and there. i am here. i know my mind pattern is to find one single point so that i can blame RR, so i can findfault in her. And what more excuse is there, when she speak to another man, it gives my mind perfect ammo to go after her and hurt her and accuse her. This is my pattern i have lived for years with RR and others. so when and as i see i am going into fault-finding mode, i STOP HERE. i breathe. i assist myself with breath. I will not allow anything in this world to direct me, if i did, i would be a robot, not life. if i let a simple chat RR is having with another to destroy my life, i am just a fuckign robot without any self-will or self-respect, i am allowing me to be destroyed by others. i am allowing my thoughts to destroy me, so why would allow self-destruction? hence i stop when and as i see myself making assumptions about RR whatsoever, i STOP IT here. i breath. in this, i allow RR her own self-direction. After all, she is a being, she has her own self-will to talk to anyone she wishes. If she decides to move on with another, it is her self-decision entirely, i cannot bind her to a tree and keep her as my slave. hence in the simplicity of this breath here, i stop all judgements and thoughts about RR. i remain here. Come what may, i can only handle this breath here, and i know i am here, i trust myself, and that is what matters. i cannot decide or direct others, i can only decide or direct myself within self-honesty, so i am here as breath. i stop all thoughts and judgements about RR. i am here.
When and as i sense a feeling of fear arising within ‘thinking that RR is flirting or excited about another’, i simply breathe. i know, it is a well know mind pattern of jealousy and possessiveness, it wants to run its course, so i will not surrender myself to my mind patterns, that would make me a total slave, a system , a robot. hence, when and as i sense fear, jealousy, possessiveness arise within me, i simply breath, i am here, yes, ALL-ALONE or ALONE, but i am here, ALIVE, and Breathing. i will not allow myself to participate in any fear mongering thoughts within myself, because i know i cannot trust my thoughts, and my thoughts are my ego basically. and my ego wants self-destruction.
when and as i sense that RR is texting, or on the phone, or emaling, or on facebook, or smiling with another, i simply stop myself from ‘inspecting’ her, or ‘watching her’. I mean this is totall fucking mind fuck. RR is 39 years old, i met when she was 35. Did i ‘inspect’ her for all those 35 years ? no. then, why am i ‘inspecting’ her now? because my mind pattern likes to inspect her and possess her and in this destroy my agreement with her. So, very simple, i STOP myself from becoming a policeman, i simply remain here. Knowing well, her life is her decision, i cannot control her or manipulate her, i can only handle my life within this BREATH HERE. i am here or not is the question? I am self-honest or not is the question. I am here, i prove myself that i am here by breathing this BREATH HERE. when and as i see myself going into the inspecting mode, i STOP in one breath. i employ my breath, this breath here, i breathe, i am here, yes i am ALONE, but i am here as LIFE, not as a fucking system. I STOP ME. i am here as breath of life.
I realise that i have lived and existed as EGO, as Thoughts, as fears, as jealousy, as ‘what-ifs’ as possessiveness, all because i fear been ALONE. i fear been HERE. i fear the death of my ego, i fear the death of thinking, hence i kept on entertaining my mind. Also i realise all these are mind patterns, they are NOT me, simply mind patterns i have acquired/learned, it is not me, so i can simply in one breath give it up. i do so here as breath as i breathe, i remain here, yes, i am ALONE here, but i am here as life. i am not a fucking system of ego, i am here as breath. i breathe.
Till here no further.
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