A 23 year old girl from Bangladesh started a chat with me today on FB. At least based on her photos, she appears very beautiful. Soon into the chat, she says, “you are so hot”, at that very moment I could sense a rush of energy within me, an excitement, short of breath etc. Clearly that statement got me all excited and wanting more. In the olden days before desteni, i would let it unroll, and ended up in a heated online sex chat and who knows where that will lead. But today, I had the good fortune of self-honesty which immediately kicked in to save my ass. Within that moment, as i feel the rush of excitement, I calm myself down, i breathed, i slow down a bit, in all self-honesty i look at the situation then i realize i am touching the group of utter self-dishonesty, cheating, and betrayal etc, if i were to continue the chat in that direction. I told her, “lets not talk such”, and she immediately apologies and the exciting energy vanished, moments later all was normal, no more energy, no more excitement. the energy of her beautiful sensual picture vanished too. i was to able to continue chatting without the ‘excitement’.
All in all, it was a moment to flirt, a moment to get a sexual high, a moment for online masturbation and flirtation. the fact that i am married is a secondary point, so am i saying if were single today would i have continued with the 23 year old ? I suppose i must have been open to such sexual chats.
Been in a relationship implies commitment, that goes without saying. Online chats, flirts of any sensual or sexual nature is clearly violation of trust. Obviously we cannot avoid such moments arriving at our doorsteps, they will come, then there is self-honesty within the breath to avoid any consequential acts of self-betrayal.
First of all, i allowed the chat to start, why did i even allowed that chat to start? Is it because i knew her photos to be sweet and sensual ? In accepting the first step, i allowed a later moment of flirting to occur. I am not totally free from cheating here, though i stopped it at a later point, but i did allowed the possibility at all by agreeing to chat in the very first place.
This point requires further self investigation.
In relationships, its either ALL or NOTHING, when it comes to trust and integrity. Can’t be faithful just 99.9999% of the time.