Day 17: Descartes Got it Wong.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to give into backchat as if I am giving into some sort of indulgence, (just once only this time I will do it).
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to see backchat as some sort of hideaway where I can escape from physical reality and indulge myself in all sorts of nasty feeling-good thoughts and fancies.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that my backchat indulgence is not without consequences, I will be held accountable for every single thought I engage in within my backchat (by myself as my own judge).
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that endless, mindless, insane thoughts I engage in will have consequences, I mean, its like speaking words that nobody can hear. just because nobody can hear doesn’t mean those silent words have no consequences.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize it is my unwillingness remain as breath here is the reason to engage in the backchat. Also backchat is silent awesome feel-good entertainment, nobody can see it, nobody can hear it, its all fun just for me, and just for my pleasure.
In spite of the repeated reminders how backchat, that endless mind taking back hurts the human physical body, I still engage in backchat for the joy and pleasure of thinking bullshit.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that thinking is a pleasure, anything goes up there in the head is just perfectly fine: Anger, violence, rage, rape, murder, suicide, robbery, hate, hurt, homelessness, despair, depression, nastyness, money, sex, masturbation, threesome sex, variety of sex, cheating, endless sex, blow job after blow jobs, anything anything that goes up in the head, which I have accepted and allowed is OK to think, and enjoy the pleasure of backchatting. Not realizing all the while, I have accepted and allowed torture for my human physical body thru my backchatting.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to limit my existence to just backchats, just to the noise in the head.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to see my whole existence as just backchat.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to live my whole life within this backchat, listening to it, participate in it, creating it, giving it spies, just exist my whole life within my backchat and call that as “LIVING”. Not realizing i have been not living, rather just backchatting all the way.
I realize how wasteful life is when I spend my whole time on earth just keeping busy within my backchat. I mean what did I do with my life? nothing, all I do is just think think and think.
My whole purpose of life is just to think think and think.
I Stop this madness. and for a moment I see/realize that LIFE here does not require that mindless endless noise, I can exist as just breathe here as physical.
I mean am I just a noise in the head?
When and as I see myself chasing the wind by participating in backchat, I simply STOP, I breathe. I remain here.
I think therefore I am, is a perfect justification for accepting and allowing the backchat to continue, Descartes got it totally wrong. Try: I breathe, therefore I am.
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