Day 29 – Wasting away this ONE Life, in Chasing Relationships.

Listen to this for context, first.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to desire and want to cling to relationships and in that waste this one life I have. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to waste this one life I have in emotional bullshit chasing relationships. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to waste away my life, day by day, breath by breath, in thinking and worrying about relationship blues. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to ignore and neglect myself and in that ignore my relationship with myself. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to waste away my life, this one life I have, in chasing relationship blues. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize the most important relationship is, the one I have with me, within me, as breath, as breathing, here as me as the physical, and in that, I am with ALL as One and Equal, not desiring and craving for any specific relationship connection. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize in this one life, I have  the chance to establish Oneness and Equality with ALL that is Here by simply establishing self-equality within myself as breath, as breathing. Instead of chasing relationship connections with others, I direct myself to be HERE, as breath, as breathing, as physical here. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize even if I spend my whole life connecting with one being, via relationship connection, that is not establishing equality and oneness with ALL here. In that I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to waste away my life in just connecting with one being, and ignoring the whole of existence by ignoring ME as I was too busy chasing relationships. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that chasing relationship connections is way to waste away my life here. Instead I give up seeking special relationship connections, and establish self-connection with me, within me. I am, my physical here is the gateway to Equality and Oneness. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize, no relationship connection will ever work out without self-connection, without self-equality here. Meaning, only by connecting to me, as physical, as breath, as breathing, as self-equality, will I be able to walk an agreement with another as myself. Otherwise, I would waste away this one life entirely, in seeking relationship connections with 1 or 2 or 3 persons and just waste away and eventually die. A life wasted in chasing relationships and fixing relationship blues. 

So in realizing, that I am wasting away my life in relationship connections, I STOP, I breath. I remain here as me. I seek to establish my self-equality within me, within my breath, my physical. I realize seeking a relationship connection with another is just wasting away my life without first establishing self-equality within me. So I stop chasing relationship connections, Instead I connect to me, as I am the gateway to Equality and Oneness with the whole of existence.

What if my spouse gives me all the happiness in the world for the rest of my life, I will still have to die one day, then what? will I have established equality and oneness with the whole of existence? NO. So, I realize the first step is: SELF-EQUALITY. Me breathing, here as breath, is the first step. Yes, then I could walk with another without desiring or wanting a relationship connection. Just walking with another with mutual support and intimacy.

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