Day 63 – Kids, stop throwing tantrums, as I am meditating for world peace.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to react to child’s tantrums, and screams. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be annoyed and angry as the child went on and on with the tantrum. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to experience the moment as unbearable and desired to run away from the moment, not realizing I am running away from myself as the moment and as the child.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to desire to run away from the event, the manifestation, the child, the tantrum, all of which is myself because I perceived the moment as bad.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that when I am with children I must have fun and enjoy them, and the moment they scream, yell, and throw tantrums, then I believe I must run away from them, as if their expression is their own problem to deal with, and I can run away to freedom where no child screams or cries. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to desire happy places and want to be in happy places where kids don’t scream or throw tantrums, so that I can be happy and enjoy myself and my peace. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to perceive and believe that I must have fun with kids, and the moment they throw tantrums then I believe I can run away from them. In this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to see kids as toys for joy and happiness, so the moment they throw tantrums I believe I can throw them out because the kids not making me happy anymore.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to boil in anger and frustration because I saw the moment of tantrum as hell.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hate been around with kids when they throw tantrums, believing they are wasting my happiness. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize all that indicate is, that I have not been here breathing, instead listening to my mind saying nasty things about screaming kids. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that screaming kids only indicate to me that I am screaming within my own mind and they have interrupted me, because had I stayed within this breath here, I wouldn’t have gotten so reactive in the first place when the kid threw the tantrum. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize no matter how noisy or loud a child is, my reaction to it is entirely upto me, I am responsible for myself and my reactions. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge and blame the child, instead of me taking the self-responsibility to NOT to react.  Its like saying the world should be nice and silent so that I can enjoy my silent inner meditation for world-peace, without ever taking self-responsibility to remain silent within me, without any backchat whatsoever. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate in backchat as the child began to throw tantrums. Not realizing perhaps the tantrum was a response to my own backchat. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to desire to avoid the child because of tantrums, desiring to cut off all ties in order to be peaceful and clam within me. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to get so reactive and angry when children throw tantrums. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to desire peace and quietness therefore I forgive me for wanting the children to be silent and peaceful, so that I can be silent and peaceful without ever taking the responsibility for my inner space. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to react in anger and annoyance because I was not here as breath each breath in fact, therefore I forgive me for reacting in anger and annoyance.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself not realize it is my responsibility to remain HERE within each BREATH without any reaction or backchat whatsoever, and yet dealing, directing the situation in what is best for ALL LIFE, as everyone and everything here is LIFE, i cannot run or hide from what is here, and if I do that, i will only compound more consequences until I in fact stop my mind and breathe every breath HERE. 

I realize I am responsible for my inner space, no matter what the outer situation is, I am responsible for what is going on within me. Screaming kids, tantrum throwing kids, yelling and shouting kids, demanding kids, obnoxious kids, whatever the moment may be, I am responsible for myself and for my inner space. Therefore I direct myself moment by moment to live here as breath/breathing. I realize I cannot direct the behavior of kids, but I surely direct myself to be HERE as breath and breathing instead of reacting within my backchat towards them, which will only compound the moment.

When and as I see myself to reacting to screaming, noisy, yelling kids, I STOP, I breathe, I realize I am responsible for my inner space. I direct myself to breathe and be here, and get engage in physical activity to avoid participating in my mind.

I realize all reactions and backchats within me must stop, simply by breathing here as this breath, this moment. As I cannot change the world without changing me, as there is no world peace without the silence/darkness within me first.

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