Day 77 – Living the Lie, the character show of me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to secretly judge others within my mind.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to secretly judge others within my mind and in that put on a fake character which blames another (silently). 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to secretly judge others within my mind, believing that what I do within me is my own personal business. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to secretly think nastiest shit about others within my mind and still put on a nice character when I am in person with them. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to wear characters, be a person of character, and the whole time I am never real, only appeasing others and deceiving others and myself. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to wear masks and characters just to appease others so that they will like me, adore me, love me, admire me, appreciate me, look upto me, and give their attention to me, speak about me, and in this I forgive myself for desiring to be an adorable character within the minds of others.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize i am living a life of a character, just putting on one character to another.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize blaming and judging others is me wearing a mask, a character, which makes me feel good, while putting another down. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize, blaming, judging others is abuse against life, its hurting life silently, secretly within the deep corners of my mind, where abuse against life happens, and so I forgive me for covering up my shit by wearing characters of me, which makes me look good in the eyes of others. I forgive me for desiring to a happy character within the mind’s of others. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to blame and judge others so that I can hide behind it and not really look at myself to see what is that I am hiding when I blame others.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize I must stop my secret, silent thoughts about others before they becoming physical, for me to see the abuse I have allowed within me. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize blaming, judging even one person in my life, is allowing and accepting abuse against life. in this I forgive myself to believe that its ok to blame some and not others. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to walk around with so many characters that I wear, in that always presenting a pretty picture to others, desiring and wanting to be a happy figure in the minds of others, in that never living HERE as life, as breathe. I forgive me for missing out my whole life just because I want to be liked by others within their little minds. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to live my life just to be liked by others, in that say things and do things just to be liked by others. just to be a happy figure within the minds of others. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to desire to be a happy likable figure in the minds of others. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to desire to appease others to be a likable character in the minds of others. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to live my life as a character, always playing an act, never real, never here, so within this I forgive me for not living here as breath, without ever needing to be a character.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that I am indeed a walking character, when I blame and judge others, it is the character where I make myself to look good by knocking down others within my mind.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize the character show I am living must stop. 

I realize/see/understand that living out various characters as me to put on a show is not LIVING, its an ILLUSION, a show. I see/realize/understand even blaming, judging is a show I put on, silently, secretly, believing it will give me the power over others.

I direct myself to breathe, to be real, to live a real life, not allowing thoughts, emotions, feelings, fears, ideas, beliefs, cultural ideas, religious ideas, memories, worries to direct me, because in that I am not living, rather letting the illusion live.

So when and as I see myself not been REAL, HERE, I stop, I breathe, I direct myself to be here by breathing within the physical.

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