Day 89 – ‘Who I am’ is unpredictable, as emotional mind is unpredictable. Breathing is key.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to still participate in thoughts emotions and feelings.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that I am allowing emotional possession of me, by participating in thoughts/emotions and feelings.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to follow thoughts of doubt, suspicious and anxiety and in this, I forgive me for blaming others for what I feel, not realizing what I feel is a physical confirmation of what I think.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to separate me from others, still participate in ‘me vs. them’ battles within my mind.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel lonely and isolated and in this I forgive myself for further isolating myself by avoiding any company.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to take things personally and not  realize when I take things personally, I am making personal-lies, as in personalise.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize I am still not effectively breathing here, still lost in the mind and its worries.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize I am still living in regrets and allowing what-if thoughts to dominate my mind.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself not realize every little thought that run in my mind matters, as it shows who I have become and therefore what needs to be forgiven.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize the who I am is visible in the smallest of things I do, in the tinest of thoughts I entertain. in this I forgive myself for not slowing down to see what’s going on within me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to rush myself so that  I don’t have to see whats going on within me, what is that I am suppressing, what is that I am hiding, what is that I am avoiding, what is that I prefer not looking at within me, what is that I desire/crave, what are my hidden secret fantasies.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that I am avoiding responsibility, avoiding facing others as myself and avoiding my responsibilities towards them.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear communicating myself and speaking up, clearly, directly, instead avoid dealing with issues, I realize this is irresponsible.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not consider others as myself and be considerate towards them, see how they feel, how they must experience due to my actions/words etc, in this I forgive me for not realizing my actions/words/thoughts does affect others and their world, hence it is of paramount importance and responsiblity to handle others with care and gentleness.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize I have allowed total separation within me, hence I see me vs. them in all scenarios.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize when my mind is possessed by emotions, then I see the world, everyone and everything through my possession and believe everyone/everything is doing that to me. this is a real mindfuck.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize I am justifying my thoughts/emotions and feelings, which is not the way to go.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize who I am is my decision, I decide who to be in every breath.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize who I am is decided by what I accept and allow within each breath. clearly, if I accept and allow thoughts/emotions/feelings, well then that is what who I am, thoughts/emotions/feelings.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize my mind is very busy at keep me enslaved, so its survival as Mind conscious System can continue. therefore my mind will throw anything to keep me stuck thinking/worrying/feeling etc, to generate energy, to consume the physical to suck the body dry, leaving no substance left.

I am here, breathing. I see/realize/understand, moment by moment, breath by breath, what I accept and allow will determine who I am, so to change myself, my world, I realize I must direct myself to stop the war within me, I must direct myself to stop the thinking process within me, the conscious mind preoccupation must stop.

When and as I see I am stuck in the mind, I stop, I breathe, I bring myself back to here. I see/realize/understand this process is not a part time job, I direct myself to dedicate every breath to this, so to see who I am in every breath, and stop the abuse/war/separation I have allowed within me.

I breathe, I see/realize/understand, breathing is the key to cut through the emotional ups/downs of the mind, and I direct myself to be here as breath.

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