Day 102 – Living in memories makes me a dead man walking.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to let memory dictate who I am in this moment.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to let memory drive me in this moment, meaning allowing memory to show me the way.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize memory is a frozen picture of a past present moment, which I use as a reference to dictate me here now.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use memory from yesteryear to decide who I will be in this present moment here.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize memory has power because I have allowed it and gave it the power by recalling it into this present moment, thereby making decisions based on memory references.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize I am recreating the past simply by listening to my memories and living the present according to that memory as a safety thing.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear letting go of all my memories because I fear if my memories were to disappear who will I be, what will be my reference point? in this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear losing my identity and that sense of who I am if I were let go of my memories.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to construct the sense of who I am based on my memories, not realizing memories don’t define who I am, as I decide who I am.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize memories come to life only when I give them attention, only when I ‘think thru, live thru’ them again and again, in this I forgive myself for reactivating my memories over and over again, instead of just breathing it out.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize, memories are snap shots with little or no value, unless I give them value by placing them in front of me as a graven image.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize I am the creator of my memories which I kept hidden away in my flesh for later use.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize my present and future are similar to my past because I use past memories to make decisions about the present and future. in this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize I am never ever living, only re-living the past through memories.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself not realize when I am dead, I will remain a memory in the minds of my family and friends, and when they all are dead, I will not even exist as a memory in the minds of others, I will simply not exist any more, therefore my “life/living’ here was nothing but an illusionary show awaiting disappearance. I see/realize/understand I wish not exist just as a memory now or later, I wish to exist as physical, doing physical, and even after I die, I like to leave physical remembrance of me, as physical things, not as just a memory in the minds of others.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize today I am nothing but a flesh full of memories, and therefore living as a graven image, and not as life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize I am here as life, but sadly I don’t live as life, rather I live as a graven image like an image from the grave.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize I am living as a graven image, in the likeness of grave-n image. which makes me a dead man walking.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize I am holding unto every tiny little bits and pieces of every memory so dearly because I believe they have value which is more than what is here.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be possessed by memories, so dearly believing if I let them go, I will have no story about myself, I have nothing precious to hang onto, therefore who will I be?

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define who am I based on past pictures and photos held within my flesh, which are called memories.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to live through graven images of myself thereby be a dead man walking, instead of being a living man walking.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize every single thought takes me down the memory lane, activating some sort of memory which are based on self-interest, so that I can continue to walk on the road of self-interest.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize living in the past makes me a dead man walking, not life at all.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hold onto pretty pictures of the past, and thereby keep on thinking/looking at those pretty memories to give a sweet feeling of the past, not realizing that makes a graven image, makes me a dead man walking with pretty past pictures.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize since the beginning of time, man has been living in the past memories till he dies. this has been going on for generation after generation. hence I direct myself to live here as life, without needing any pictures of the past.

I see/realize/understand, I have to walk through all the memories and self-forgive each one of them, release them. I see/realize/understand, in breathing here, I can remain as life, breath by breath, I can direct myself to be here, as LIFE not as a graven image.

When and as I activate a memory from the past, I STOP, I BREATHE, I realize, me stepping into a past memory is like recalling an old movie while seated at the cinema here. I see/realize/understand, time has come to stop the time, as past, present and future. I am simply here as breathing, of course, when and as I need a piece of memory for practical purposes, I recall it for a moment, then, I let go. I am always here, breathing. I wasted my whole life so far in building a memory database, and constantly living in it, now I see/realize, I had wasted many decades, and the remaining years I don’t wish to waste in thinking of the past, I am here now, so I direct myself to breathe and be here.

I mean why are those memories so special? any memory? why am I holding onto them? a person, an event, a situation, a job, an act of sex, falling in love, fearful event, violent event, a death, a birth, a marriage, a divorce, an accident, a betrayal, a cheating, a robbery, an insult, a fight, a disappointment, an occasion, a visit, a trip, a vacation, a quickie sex session in the car, whatever it may be, it is in the past now, its only a memory, yet I allow myself to grab them, hold onto them, possess them, as if without them, I will be nobody. That is simply the database of my memories, which are dictating my living here and forcing me to live in the past, so my present and future are nothing but the repeat of the past. I am the creator of the past, present and future. so I direct myself to breathe, breathe and breathe, with a ‘hold/pause’ within, so that I can cut the movie by the memories. of course when I die, all my memories will die with me, so what is the big deal about my memories now.

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