Day 121 – ‘Comfort me’ Character.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that others should comfort me while I am sick or not feeling well.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that while in a relationship, the other should devote her entire time to attend to my needs as I am not feeling well.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have the idea that my partner should be a nurse while I am down with sick.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize I am looking for a mummy not a spouse.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize my physical body is saying something, I should pay attention to myself,  to my body instead of looking at what another is doing or not doing to me while I am sick, in this I forgive myself for looking to blame.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to look to blame while I am sick because I believe others should drop everything and pay attention to me and care for me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to desired to be cared for while I am not feeling well, within this I forgive me for putting on the ‘comfort me’ character instead of just breathing through it.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to wear both ‘comfort me’ character and ‘I will blame you’ character at the same time, because when others don’t comfort me, they will surely get blamed for it.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to experience loneliness and alone feelings when I am not well.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to activate all old memories where I was alone as a child during sickness, and within that memory I go onto blame people here now, within the belief that current people are doing the same to me. I let go off all such childhood memories. I am here breathing, every breath is a new life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize, been in a relationship doesn’t automatically turn my partner into a nurse, no such condition nor requirement exist. It is simply my desire, want and requirement that my partner should turn herself into a nurse and/or mummy when I am sick.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to get angry when I am sick within the belief that others are not becoming nurses to take care of me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to get angry when I am sick within the belief that my partner should turn herself into a nurse to attend to me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to blame others when I am sick, within the belief that others must drop everything and care for me, as if only I exist in this world.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize, my sickness is a sign that my body is saying something, instead of focusing on it, and focusing on what’s going on in the mind, I allow myself to blame others for what I am feeling physically.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize, this “comfort me” character is kind of self-pity, unwilling to take responsibility for self.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize, my severe constant cough is a sign of self-dishonesty. so instead of investigating where have I been double-talking, I allowed myself to goto anger and blame. in this I forgive me for not investigating the root cause of my cough.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize, my tendency to flirt with other women while in relationship with my current spouse is an act self-dishonesty. I see clearly my tendency to tease around and/or joke around is not cool, as all such is done within subtle hidden desires. I see/realize/understand, self-honesty requires absolute clarity in how I speak/communicate with other women while in a relationship, as there must be no room for flirting.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize, these are testing times, I see/realize/understand I must stand absolute clear in my dedication and commitment, there cannot be any slips.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize, not living breath-by-breath is the cause, therefore I direct myself to live breath-by-breath in doing what is best for all, and I commit myself to absolute self-honesty.

When and as I see myself to wanting, desiring, seeking others to comfort me during any health sickness, I stop, I breathe, I see/realize/understand, nobody is my nurse, it is entirely upto me to take self-responsibility and care for my body.

When and as I see myself blaming others for not attending for myself, my health, I stop, I breathe, I see/realize/understand, that I am alone responsible for my health, and blaming is simply shifting that responsibility for another which is not cool.

When and as I see myself double-talking, as in the form of subtle flirts with women, I stop, I breathe, I see/realize/understand this is an old pattern, seeking the attention of women,  under the cover of joking around or teasing around, I stop, I breathe, I let go off the need for attention from women, I remain here as breath/breathing. I see clearly any form flirting is not acceptable, as I wouldn’t like it if my partner did the same.

further, I see/realize/understand, I alone am responsible for my health, my well-being. I am here breathing.

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Day 120 – SEX, the purpose of Life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize, my life revolve around sex and sex.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize, I have allowed sex to consume me, as if I have nothing else to do in this life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to live within the sexual mind fantasies.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to ‘think’ about sex as if it is the most important thing in my life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that my very existence is only meaningful when sex is in full swing.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to desire the label ‘good in bed’.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define ‘who I am’ based on sex and my sexual performances.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have sex in wanting to prove a point rather than simply expressing myself physically, within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want approval/validation through sex.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have sex to boast up my ego, instead of just expressing myself here physically.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have sex to appease my mind/ego, within that wanting ‘thumps up’ at the end, instead of simply sharing the physical sexual moment together.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to focus on sex, instead of intimacy.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to give more importance to sex, believing it to be MORE enjoyable, MORE great etc, instead of seen sex as just sharing intimacy with the partner, expressing with each other, it’s not an exam to pass, or a goal to achieve, or an act to perform, nor a memory to re-Live. simply, touching, expressing sexually.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I must be horny to have sex, in that I forgive me for giving emotions/feelings higher importance than the decision to have sex in the moment.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to see sex as a performance act, where I set out to achieve goals, rather than just expressing myself here,within breath/breathing.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have sex to satisfy my partner, I see satisfying my partner as more important than simply sharing/expressing/touching together sexually.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize sex is not a mind job, rather it’s a physical job done with the assistance of breathing here.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to while having sex have a sense of competition with my partner, in this I forgive me for seen sex as a game of dominance.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize, sex is not the reason for my very existence, sex is simply an expression of myself, sharing with another. it does not define me, nor gives purpose to my life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize, rebirthing myself as life, and changing this world is of greater importance than focusing just on sex every breath of my life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize, me living here every breath as physical is far more important than focusing on sex in every breath.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize, using sex to acquire/seek self-importance is the wrong starting point, whereas sex is simply the expression of myself with another done in intimacy.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear having sex within the belief that I may not be able to get an upper hand to give my partner the magical orgasms, therefore I forgive me for entering sex with apprehensions, fears, doubts, and what-if thoughts.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to enter/start sex with desires and goals in mind, not realizing, desires and goals won’t allow me to be here and actually express myself sexually.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel inferior whenever I ejaculate so-called ‘prematurely’ without giving my partner a chance get to her orgasm.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear premature ejaculation and holding onto such fears, not realizing such fears cannot relax me during sex.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear having sex within the belief that I must meet certain performance requirements set by society which I accepted as the truth.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear not been a porn star in bed, within this I forgive me for comparing myself to pictures/movies that I saw early in my life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear that I am not strong or fit enough like a porn star, believing that I must be a porn star just like how I saw it on movies. in this I forgive me for carrying-on porn images within me, I release them, I delete them, I let them go, I am here breathing.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize here I am as physical, touching sexually, expressing myself, and that is what sex is all about, becoming intimate with my partner.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize, intercourse without intimacy is rather empty, and intimacy is not possible when pictures/movies/comparisons/doubts/fears/what-ifs are running within my mind.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to compare myself to others in such a way so that I can feel bad about me sexually, thinking and believing that I am less than when it comes to sex.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize, using sex to make my ego feel good is not cool, it’s basically using another.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize, the movie that is running in my mind during, before, and after sex, is the problem, instead of breathing here in every step of the way, and enjoying the sexual act. I forgive me for getting stuck in the story of my mind during sex. I see/realize/understand sex is not a mind job, it’s a physical job, which requires me to be here totally 100% as breath, breathing.

No movies, no pictures, no ideas, no memories, no fears, no what-ifs, no goals, no ambitions, no games, no victories, no defeats, no upper hand seeking, no rushing, no racing, no porn, simply here breathing, touching, fore-playing, massaging, kissing, sucking, licking and penetration, enjoying the physical sex together, the joy of sex.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize, my life, my existence is not about sex, I don’t exist to have sex or talk about sex.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize, my relationship is not about sex, yes its a small important part, but my life or my relationship is not defined by sex.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize, there waits a greater task on earth, which is the changing this world for what is best for all, than just worrying about sex in every breath.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize, my life’s purpose is not about having sex, or worrying about my fears relating to sex, there is a greater task awaits me, the birthing of me as life through the physical and changing this world to what is best for all.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize, in a world where nearly 1 billion starve each night, and 21,000 die daily out of hunger, and 3 billion living under poverty, and the planet is slowing decaying, it is very foolish and irresponsible of me to worry about sex and my sex issues. in this I forgive myself for not realizing, everything in my life has one purpose, that is to direct this world to what is best for all, to end all abuses forevermore, otherwise, I can fuck all I want till my death and then its all suddenly over, without ever contributing to change this world. Sex is like eating/drinking/sleeping/resting, a basic part of life, but I don’t exist for sex, I live to birth a heaven on earth. Within this, I see/realize/understand effective sex, and sexual expression, intimacy, joy of sex, is cool. It will be way cooler, when heaven on earth is here for all.

When and as I see myself to getting all stuck in mental sex, sexual thoughts, or sex related fears, anxieties, worries, what-ifs, fear of premature ejaculation, sexual memories, sexual images, sex movies and sex photos, I STOP, I BREATHE, I see/realize/understand, SEX is a physical job here, done with breathing, which requires no mind. I see/realize/understand, my life is not just about sex, there waits a greater task, the birthing of heaven on earth. When and as I see myself to giving sex way more importance, I stop, I breathe. I direct myself to commit to change myself and to change this world to what is best for all.

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