Day 159 – Finite State Machine: IF ( this ) THEN ( do that ) – The Human Automation.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to limit my life with rules of restrictions, within the form: “IF (this) THEN (do that)”, and live my life like an automated robot who simply follows the given set of rules of restrictions, therefore I see/realize/understand, that I will have de-construct and re-programm each such rule of restriction, which is not supporting life at all.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to limit me within the rule: IF (someone says let’s go shopping) THEN ( I react with fear and anger). within this rule, I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to connect going shopping to spending money, and within that I forgive me for fearing to spend money and I forgive me for seen that spending money as being used by another. so within this I forgive myself for holding onto the fear of being used by others and therefore experience fear and panic as reactions whenever I hear the worlds “lets go shopping“.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to limit me within the rule: IF (spend money) THEN (I react with fear and anger). within this rule I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel insecure when I have to spend money for others, because I believe that my money gives me security and therefore cannot be shared. within this I forgive me for believing that money gives me security. I also forgive myself for not seeking or establishing self-security within myself instead of wanting and desiring money to give me security.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to limit me within the rule: IF (spend money) THEN (I am being used). within this rule, I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to automatically conclude that every time I spend money then I am being used by others. within this I forgive me for believing that people are using me, and therefore react in anger and fear by believing that I am being used.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to carry the belief that I am being used, I see/realize/understand this is a deep rooted fear I have had for years. Within this I forgive myself for holding to memories where as a child I felt that nobody likes me and to get them to like me I will have to tease them with gifts or go out of my way to make them happy.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that people will only like me if I give them gifts or tease them with money, otherwise they will have no interest in me, within this I forgive me for believing that I am only liked if I could make others happy. in this I forgive me for fearing, and getting angry automatically whenever spending money is mentioned.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to experience fear of not being liked by my peers as a child, within this I forgive me for holding unto memories where as a child, the other kids didn’t like me or invite me to play with them, and within that I forgive me for developing the fear of not being liked by others unless I gift them. within this I see/realize I have allowed memories to dictate my life as automated rules, so I have become an automated finite state machine that lives by the learned rules of restrictions based on memories, fears, experiences.

To be continued …

When and as I see that I am living by the automatic rule: IF (spend money) THEN (I react in anger, fear and feeling being used), I stop, I breathe, as I see/realize/understand such an automatic rule doesn’t serve life at all, its blinding and restricting my life. Therefore I commit myself to breathe and stop my mind in the very moment I see that I am stepping into rule based living.

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