Day 163 – When I am DEAD its too late, so I direct myself to LIVE in this breath.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize, in this existence I am here standing and walking alone, ALL-one.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear this ALL-one, aloneness and therefore wanting, desiring, and needing others fill the emptiness, the aloneness I feel.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize, I cannot run from myself nor from the depth of myself as what I have allowed and accepted within me as me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize, my whole life I have been running from after one thing to another, wanting, desiring, needing their attention, company etc, so that I don’t have to be with me, I can occupy myself with them and not feel this ALL-one, aloneness.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hold onto memories as a child when my parents left home for 2-3 days to attend a funeral, leaving me with a caretaker, during which I felt totally abandon, alone and isolated, I forgive me for holding onto these memories and fearing to be with me, just me ALL-one, alone. within this I forgive me for not realizing, in this existence everyone is just that, ALL-one, alone.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hang out with people just to pass time and chat away, neither communicating with them to get to know them, nor actually developing any intimacy with them, rather just passing time to fill the loneliness and boredom.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel bored and lonely, and within this I forgive me for using people just to pass time with them, so that I would not feel such.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself not realize, here or in the hereafter, I will have to face myself, I will have to get used to the idea of just being me, and just been with myself, because in the grave and beyond there isn’t much room for mundane socialization.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to waste my life away in thinking and believing that my life is boring, lonely and isolated, not realizing these are mere thoughts I have allowed and participated in.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize, when my death arrives, its pretty much over, all will I have is ample regrets to regret about. Therefore I see/realize/understand that wasting my life thinking/believing that I am boring, lonely, isolated is a self-fucking mind-fuck. Instead I direct myself to participate in the physical and birth myself through writing, correcting myself, and birthing a system that is best for all.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize, everyone is running after the pursuit of their own happiness which requires them to be selfish and mean, as they have no other choice, as the system demands such, therefore I see/realize/understand, a caring system, like an Equal Money System will remove the fear of survival and therefore overtime humans will be able to remove their selfishness and meanness and will actually have time for each other. In this I see/realize/understand, the current money system is one of the main reasons for personal emotional sufferings indicating boredom, loneliness and isolation. In this I see/realize money has become the all healing one cure for all miseries proving very well how fucked the money system is at the moment, it is dictating ever aspect of our lives.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use money to get rid of my fear of myself, my boredom, loneliness etc. in this I see/realize/understand, the solution is not to buy cures, rather to stand here as me, as breath of life, and just be a physical being breathing/walking on this earth in doing what is best for all.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize, in my death all my feelings, emotions, fears, worries, anxieties will end. I will be left with me, I will stand just as me, facing me, nobody to hear, nobody to talk, nobody to comfort, nobody to have sex with, nobody to take responsibility for me, nobody but just me, I will be left with me. so I see/realize/understand the time for complete and total ALONENESS is coming soon, therefore might as well get used it now, by facing me here in every moment as breath/breathing.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize, I have never been comfortable with myself always wanting, desiring, needing the company of others to keep me going/occupied/busy, as if me just being me is such a burden to myself, in this I forgive me for fearing my own company, my own mind.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize, there are million ways to keep myself to busy in this one Life I have got to live, busy at jobs, busy with lovers, busy with relationships, busy with looking for love, busy with business, busy with family, busy with newborns, busy with growing kids, busy with schools, exams, assignments, homework, busy with careers, busy with financial planning, busy with retirement, busy with buying and selling houses, busy with family gatherings, birthday parties, busy with holidays, vacations, vacation planning, travelling, busy with endless shopping, busy with buying gifts for others, busy with appeasing people, busy with going to the gym, entertainment, and a long list of how I could possibly keep myself busy with, and yet NEVER be with myself just me, alone.

In this, I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define ‘living my life’ as a series of busy activities that are apparently going to remove my aloneness and make me happy, it has nothing to do with birthing self as life, or birthing a world that is best for all. in this I forgive me for not living myself to birth myself as life, and to birth a world that is best for all.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize, it’s not about not being busy, it’s not about being a sleepy zombie, no, it’s about living a life that is best for self, and best for all, in this I see/realize/understand my life is about birth self as life and birthing a world that is best for all.  Otherwise, I could just walk through my life from one busy activity to another, passing days and years, but never have lived, or never BE with myself, in that wasting away my life. I see/realize/understand, my life, this one life to live, is about birthing me as life, and birthing a world that is best for all.

I see/realize/understand, my life is not about running from one busy activity to another to avoid boredom/loneliness/isolation etc, I am walking this ONE LIFE to birth me as life, and birth a world that is best for all. Otherwise, I know, I will have ample regrets in the grave for eternity, so I direct myself here, to get out of my mind/thoughts/thinking/emotions/feelings and walk this ONE LIFE, moment by moment.

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