Day 239 – Mind is a graveyard, much is buried there. Exhume by breathing and writing.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear letting the mind go, fear stopping the mind, within this I forgive me for not realizing that out of this fear to stop the mind, I hold onto it, its contents, memories, ideas, opinions, beliefs, pictures, so that I can feel alive, and happening.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I must keep myself occupy within my mind, must keep on thinking, must recall the past, must project the future because of the idea that without the mind I will be in void, in zombie. But not realizing living in the mind is the zombie land, the graveyard of memories and past.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize, NOT been here is a sign that I am living in the graveyard of my mind. I see very clearly that mind is similar to a graveyard, as it has much buried stuff, fearful stuff, stuff that I prefer not to look at.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize, the key is to breathe and be here, supporting myself to ground myself here with breathing.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself not realize, not breathing is giving permission to live in the graveyard, to dwell in the graveyard of stuff. in this I see/realize to LIVE I must breathe, otherwise LIE in the graveyard of the mind and its contents.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize, judgement, opinions, beliefs, ideas, feelings, emotions, memories, fears, anxieties, expectations, all pathways to the graveyard, as they can quickly take me into the land of the dead, the graveyard of the mind.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize, breathing with awareness is not the exception as how I see it, rather breathing with awareness must be the norm, with giving myself the chance to be here, by breathing with awareness in every breath.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to give my mind so much power, thinking and believing that I must always exist in and as the mind.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize, every time I react, judge, desire, be fearful, be angry, be jealous, or give into any form of mind-energy I am stepping into the graveyard of the mind, in this I see/realize breathing, doing physical things, is the way out of the graveyard.

I realize living this one life, one short life, in the mind is like asking for a suicide though without calling it a suicide, because living in the mind kills the body, slowly. so I see/realize wasting my life in desiring, in fears, in wants and needs, in blaming, in accusing, in suppressing, I am basically wasting my life and walking right into the graveyard, the mind. So what a waste, what a throw-away of this one life. So I breathe, I stop mind-energy participation, by directing myself to STOP and breathe. I realize this will take considerable effort, as STOPPING the mind entirely wont’ come easily, therefore I take small steps, within each breath, stop each thought, stop each participation, stop each fear, stop each mind/energy possession, realizing only by stopping the small bones in the mind/graveyard will I be able to take on the big demons. Exhume the mind breath by breath.

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