Day 240 – Fear of Responsibilities causes Addiction to Oversleeping.

Ok, here is a repeated behavior pattern, again and again I have been living, yet it’s a simple decision to move on, get up, breathe, and get going within my day. I have defined myself as ‘not a morning’ person, and within that accepted and allowed myself to oversleep, and stay up way late at night, lacking discipline and effective time management.

I stick to late nights mostly midnight or bit later, and come morning I struggle to get out of the house by 7ish. Luckily my job doesn’t require fix starting time, it’s a benefit meaning allowing workers the flexibility. To start and finish as they seem fit, so no hard-code rule, but general 9-5 rule is the expectation. And I have abused this flexibility, well I won’t’ say I abused the flexibility, it just I stay till 7 or 8 at night working, and then late for dinner, late to blog, late to computer activities and then way late to sleep, then the whole cycle starts next day, starting way late in the morning, late to get up, late to leave the house, late to start work, and then naturally I can’t quit at 5pm, so end up staying way late till 7 or 8pm, and there you go, the whole cycle of lateness is perpetuated.

Where is that one point in the spiral/cycle to defuse this behavior pattern that has been bothering me all the years yet keep on doing it year after year? That one pivotal point is getting out of the bed early and leaving the house by 7-7:15.

When I was a child we were forced to get up at 5am sharp, and was out of the house by 6am to catch the 6-6:15am bus to school, which takes about 1 hour or so of travelling time. Much fun getting to school by 7:15am, 30 minutes before the bell rings. That pattern went on for 9 years, of course I never liked getting up at 5am nor going to sleep at 9pm. Now as an adult I have totally flipped my personality from a morning person to a night owl.

The problem is the late I start, the late everything happens and all things get pushed late. I still can sleep a good 7 hours, and still be out of the house by 7am. I guess what I really don’t’ like about late start is the moodiness I have as I sleep in late, kind of a moodiness I don’t’ appreciate, even though I slept only 7 hours or so. Anytime past 7am, I will be getting into that moody state of mind. And not to mention all the rushing I have to do when I am late for things. And regret/guilt is a big one.

This is an addictive behavior pattern, and I have fell for it big time, and I have denied myself the joy of getting out of the house at 7am or before, I suppose there is a belief if you work into late nights somehow you’re a doing a great job etc. I have resistance going to sleep early as well as getting up early.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I must stay up into late hours at night.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I must stay up into late hours within the belief that if I goto bed early then I am wasting time.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize, I have an addictive relationship to morning waking time, despite all the attempts I have again and again fell into late rising and late retiring.

I see/realize how the Life-Portal lady (sunette spies) live with only 6 hours of sleep and how she effectively use her time to get so many things done during her day. She is an example, how to get things done and how to get more things done, and yet “enjoy life”. I see in my case, 7 hours of sleep is OK/ideal, but the timing will make a difference. should I goto bed at 2am and get up at 9am, it would be a horrible morning/day for me, should I retire at 11pm and start 6am, I am sure that would be a pleasant morning/day etc. but my addiction/challenge is the difficulty to get up at 6 or even 7am and retiring early.

So how do I change this struggle, pattern, reoccurring behavior I have lived for years. One simple decision, in one breath, when the alarm hit, to say: GET UP, GET GOING, must be done in that 1 breath, but falling back into sleep, I give into the pattern, just for 10 more mins of sleep then it keeps going on and on. I think the burden of regret for starting late is equally heavy, which is why I feel so moody after a late start in the morning.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize in ONE breath is where the solution is found. A decision to retire early at night, a decision to rise in the morning without giving into the addiction to stay up late night and subsequently giving into the addiction to stay late in bed.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize I have to support my body, instead of pushing it to the abusive limits, I have to support my body with proper diet and proper rest, and if timing is an issue, then I must support my body with proper timing, sleeping/rising on time etc. clearly I see sleeping at 2am and rising at 9am is not cool on my body, so why do it? Why not sleep at 11 and get up at 6am? There lies the addiction, fear to face the world, fear to face responsibility, so I am happy when all are at sleep, and I sleep when all are at work. It’s kind of not wanting to face reality. This is the graveyard mentality.

So one breath, in one breath lies the solution.

I commit myself to be very vigilant on this point, as the hour arrives to sleep I retire instead of pushing into late nights. I have noticed a sense of excitement around 10pm or 11pm, as if play time begins for me then. That’s the problem, play time starts at night too late, then consequence in the morning as hard to wake up, and obviously fear to wake up, fear to face the reality, fear to face responsibility.

A simple thing, but it has a severe effect on how I walk my day, every day, therefore my life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear facing reality in the mornings and within this fear I have allowed myself to keep on sleeping. Within this I forgive me for not retiring on time at night, allowing myself the live out the graveyard mentality or character. So I stop, I breathe, and direct myself to correct this point without regret, remorse or guilt, simply in one breath, moving , getting up, living my life. There is so much to do, to self-change and world-change, I will have ample time in the grave to sleep into eternity. No worries there.

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