Day 243 – Backchat: The chatters of the mind that torture the body slowly. Breathe.

The idea that with death backchats will end got debunked today. Basically, if anything, backchats will expound, also consequences cannot be avoided with death. Its a hugely responsible thing to be ALIVE, because this life is not to be wasted. This is a key realization for me, as I tend to live in the head way too long compounding, accumulating, all kinds of shit in the mind/head. And don’t have to wait till death to face backchat consequences as they will accumulate to a point where I will end up speaking the backchats out aloud, then of course consequences must be faced as others will hear/respond in kind.

My mind is very noisy, always thinking, in deep thought about something, instead of moving/directing myself to be physical, I have gotten used to the idea of just sitting and thinking. WTF. This is kind of self-abuse, continuous thinking, feeling, always entertaining some bullshit in my head. Surely if I die right now,  I ain’t going to cross the line with a silent mind, so have to take this point seriously and use this LIFE, one LIFE to stop the backchats, self-forgive and FORGET and let go.

I heard today that with Self-Forgiveness comes FORGETTING too, meaning let go of the memory, let go of its energy/feeling/emotions. That’s what letting go means.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize I have the greatest of responsibilities to STOP the backchats within my mind. I realize this point is not to be taken lightly.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think/believe that backchats within my mind as just entertainment so they can be allowed to continue, not seen/realizing that I must STOP this nonsense endless noise within my mind. There is consequence to this noise. Mind chatter is depleting the body, my body, my physical substance.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to engage in backchat thinking/believing that its normal to “think” to have “internal-conversations”, not seen/realizing that there is nobody listening to my mind chatters, so they are just noise I am making to myself. Now why would I want to just create noise inside my mind and HOPE/BELIEVE that they will be heard by others and others will suffer consequently. This is madness to believe that screaming inside my head will disturb the neighbors.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize the madness I have placed myself in, just making lots of noise all day but hoping and believing that others will hear them and get hurt accordingly, that is nasty shit logic on my part.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize screaming, scolding, yelling, blaming, whining, accusing, hurting, charging, doubting, INSIDE my head is creating NOISE inside my mind, NOBODY hears them. So I am alone screaming at myself but believe that I am targeting others. THIS IS MADNESS.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize STOPPING the madness of backchat has no other solution, other than simply STOPPING it. In this I see/realize. putting off for another day, another time is living in HOPE that backchat will not be a big deal, or big consequence.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize backchat is a time-bomb that builds energy and will explore eventually, therefore I see/realize the key is to STOP with breathing before mind-chatters take over and becomes too late.

When and as I see myself chatting to myself and chatting back to myself as in backchat as in internal-conversations, I STOP, I breathe, realizing the noise inside my head simply stays inside my head until they explore as a result of accumulation. Therefore, I STOP, I breathe and I stop the consequences of backchat, not to mention supporting my body to be HERE, without being tortured.

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