Day 249 – Blame is Be Lame. I am responsible for myself.

Old patterns of feeling pity, sad is something I have to watch out for, as I have been entertaining such feelings today. With that goes blaming others for what I have accepted and allowed within myself. Blaming others for something/anything is a very familiar pattern I have had mostly within relationships. Whatever mood I am in, I will end up blaming the person I am with at that time, this is true within all my relationships past and present. looking at two of my relationships I see how my response patterns are very similar, blaming others for my mind/emotional state.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to blame others whenever I am in a moody state of mind.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to blame others when I am not feeling well within myself, within the idea that others are somehow responsible for how I am feel.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to blame others within the idea that they have failed to fulfil my expectations within a relationship context and therefore I forgive myself that I have allowed myself to justify with reasons and blame others.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize the other person is not responsible for my happiness, nor for my unhappiness. I am alone responsible for how I feel and what I feel.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to blame and scold others as if they owe me, as if they owe me the services which will make me happy. in this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe within the pattern which says “you are my partner now, so you owe me, which is you must make me happy, and if you don’t make me happy then I will blame the hell out of you”. I forgive me for carrying that belief system within me.  I see/realize how stupid of me to blame, scold others and expect them to make me happy. We are walking together to share a moment, or two, but yet always walking ALONE, therefore what goes within my little bubble this round shape thing called the head is my responsibility.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to blame my partners so extensively within the believe that it is their job to make me happy. it is their job to take me out of my frequent unhappy moodiness and to make me happy again; all the while I just take no responsiblity for myself, for my mind/emotions/feelings and for my so-called happiness.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize the utter stupidity of believing that others must make me happy. if that is so, then I am a total slave to others, because apparently without others I am lost, alone, lonely, miserable and unhappy. in this I see/realize I am here breathing as a physical being sharing myself with others, giving and receiving, but not wanting, desiring, seeking others to make me happy as if it is their job to make me happy, as if they owe me that.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to blame others because I have not taken responsibility for my own wellbeing, within this I see/realize how building up expectations is a sure path to misery.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that wanting, desiring, expecting others to make me happy and when they fall short, blaming the hell out of them is pure madness and lacking total self-responsibility on my part.

When and as I see myself blaming others apparently because they didn’t make me happy, I STOP, I BREATHE. I let go. I see I am here, I am breathing, and all that time and physical energy wasted in arguing, blaming, convincing is a complete waste. Coming to an agreement is cool, sharing, discussing, coming to an agreement overcoming conflicts, and on how to work things out is pretty cool, but resorting to blame is LAME due to ONE very simple reason: I am alone responsible for myself, for my happiness, for my enjoyment. I am responsible for me, nobody else.

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