What is change? For me at this stage change doesn’t mean a whole lot, just the simple stuff like: stick to 4 count breathing, stop participating in mind demons, stop giving into temptation of desires, stop regretting, stuff like that nothing earth shaking.
I have realized that passing the change-buck to others is pretty lame, I have a tendency to preach and hope others will do the change, while me, I can just cruse my good old ways. There is a subtle assumption that I don’t have to change, I mean I can afford to screw up a few times, I can afford to take the risk of facing consequences which wont’ be that bad I am sure, I can afford to scream at others showing my anger, I can afford to dump my shit onto others etc, in other words, change is something for others, and for me I can take it easy as if I really don’t have to change, or my change won’t make any difference. I have that hidden assumption still within me, change can wait while I still enjoy the energy rides.
This is when I realize that change cannot wait, as I am sacrificing my human physical body so that mind can exist, the mind can consume the body. Reading heaven’s journey to blog other day was pretty cool, in which she speak about ‘mind consuming the body, how the body is sacrificed as an act of love for the mind to exist’, that’s not love its abuse in the name of love, what about giving life to the body? So this what I realize about change, I have to stop the abuse of the body, I have to stop the mind living its life by consuming the body, I have to stop the sacrifice instead and see how I can give some life to the body. This is where breathing is important, writing is important, self-forgiveness, and self-correction is important. Because at the end I must stand as an example of change. Just talking about change is not enough, I must BE the change. And that starts with breathing, simple as that.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize I am sacrificing my body to be consumed by the mind, and I am willfully participating in this abuse .
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize the mind is kept alive by sacrificing the body, by consuming the body, by depleting the body, not seen/realizing this is what lead to the eventual death and demise of the body.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize every time I get possessed by my mind I am willfully participating in the abuse of the body, the depletion of the body.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to give myself the luxury of thinking/getting possessed by the mind and in that allow the depletion of the body, now why would I want to allow this self-abuse within me?
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate in the mind not seen/realizing in that I am allowing the depletion of the body, the physical, the substance.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize in this thinking process the body is not considered at all, only the mind is kept alive, in that I see/realize breathing is a cool self support to assist the body with, to keep it alive by giving the body some life instead of only giving life to the mind.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize change begins here, with breathing, by giving life to the body, by stopping the depletion of the body, by stopping the mind from consuming the physical body.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize I must prove to myself that change in this simplest of actions first, by breathing, by stopping the abuse of the body. in this I see/realize and direct myself to breathe as much as I can with awareness, instead of getting lost in the mind. in this I direct myself to return again and again back to breath, yes again and again, until it becomes my second nature to breathe with awareness.
When and as I see myself thinking, being possessed by thinking, I direct myself to realize the depletion I am causing to my body, and therefore I stop the mind and I breathe.
When and as I see myself spinning inside my head justifying things over and over, I stop, I breathe, because I see/realize that I as my mind has gone into a spin, so I stop, I breathe.
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