Day 295 – Energy Addiction to People’s Attention

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to experience energy addiction towards people and in that become dependent on them and at the same time fear them.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize I fear not getting the energy attention from them.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to desire people from whom I can get an energy attention.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to experience/view energy need as attraction, not seen/realizing it’s pure mind-need for attention, and has nothing to do with so-called likeness or attraction or compatibility. Just wanting mind-energy to keep/sustain my energy crave.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear people the moment I sense that I like their energetic attention, because the moment I sense I like their attention, I fear losing it. Desire and fear go hand in hand.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to interpret mind-energy crave/need as likeness or attraction not seen/realizing it’s just a drug-need for the mind. And in that people are being used to feed mind needs, just like using drugs.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use people to sustain/maintain/keep up my mind by using people as energy-feeds.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use people as drugs so that they can feed my mind’s need for attention.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to desire energetic highs of the mind and in that not seen/realizing that such highs results in the depletion of the human physical body.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to crave for some people and their attention so that I can feel good about myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to experience fear of loss after getting their attention, because I fear losing attention.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to possess people as if they are property so that they can feed me, give me attention, so that I can be all happy.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define myself by others, meaning define my very existence by them, by what they do to me, in that I see/realize that I am not here as breath, as physical, just me, here, not needing, not wanting, not desiring anyone’s attention. I am here breathing. I am here living breath by breath, not seeking/wanting/attempting/desiring anyone’s attention. I mean I am OK, perfectly fine without anybody’s attention. I will live, I will not die without attention. The mind however may experience withdrawal syndrome and then panic/shake, but I am here, so I direct myself to breathe, be here. And not feeding the mind.

This addiction to people is a big one, mind loves it, craves for it, which I have accepted and allowed. Instead of being here as a physical being, communicating as physical beings, I see/realize I have allowed myself to need/desire/want the attention from people, that’s my main driving point. I mean a human being is much more than an energy-provider, so people not to be used as energy-feeders for my mind’s survival. Communicating, getting to know, doing things together, eating together, living together, expanding together, growing together should be the focus, NOT just wanting/desiring/seeking/needing their attention for my mind. A relationship, a friendship, a marriage cannot sustain if I am constantly needing/desiring/seeking/wanting that energy-attention from the other, I mean sooner or later it will become a drag to other and I will become dependent on the other, so my survival depends on them, so wherever I don’t get that expected energy boost/attention, then I will go into rage and attack them.  FEED MY MIND or else.

So I stop this desire/want/need for people to give me this attention, this is within all relationship context not just marriage, even in casual relationships I have noticed I am driven by energy attention, it seems like energy attention is the only reason ever why I mingle with people. So I stop this madness, when and as I see myself craving/desiring/wanting/needing/seeking energy attention from others to FEED my MIND, I stop, I breathe, seen/realizing such energy-dependent relationships cannot be sustained, sooner or later, the crave will explode. I mean, only so much attention one can give to me, before they become sick and tired of it.

I breathe. I embrace myself. Join us: www.desteni.org

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Day 294 – Releasing “The Devil made me do it” excuse.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that the devil made me do it.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I can blame it on the devil for the choices I make.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that it’s not me but the devil who is actually responsible for my actions, and within that I forgive me for giving up my self-responsibility.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize, blaming it on the devil is like blaming it on my penis for my sexual obsessions. “I didn’t do it, the penis did it”. Not acceptable, 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that the devil is actually directing and guiding my thoughts, so it’s not my responsibility, it’s HIS fault, the devil’s.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that forces outside of me are RESPONSIBLE for my actions or lack of actions and it’s never my responsibility apparently.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to blame others, other things, so that I never have to take responsibility for my life nor for my actions. Because the bloody devil is doing/ruining everything.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize, blaming of any kind is like saying “the devil made me do it”. Because it’s pointing the finger at another, or things: It’s the politicians, it’s the rich fuckers, it’s the system, it’s the weather, it’s the homeless bums, it’s the President, it’s the Republicans, it’s the Gay people, it’s the illegal immigrants, it’s my parents, it’s my spouse, it’s my children, it’s always others BUT NEVER EVER ME the cause and reason for the situation I am facing. Better yet, it’s the DEVIL to blame.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize giving up self-responsibility is so easy, there are so many “valid” excuses, “the devil made me do it” is the best, in this I see/realize giving up responsibility is a real waste of life. Therefore I direct myself to investigate my life, and see where and how I am avoiding self-responsibility, how I am blaming others etc, and then direct myself to take responsibility for my life. Because I see/realize I am the only one responsible for my life.

Cannot blame the devil, can’t say “the devil made me do it”, how insanely stupid is that. I am responsible for my actions, I am responsible for my words, I am responsible for my thoughts, I am responsible for what I allow and accept within me and within this world, I mean that’s common sense, can’t say the “world wars happened because the devil made us wage them”, no, we as humans created and fought the wars, so it’s our/my responsibility.

Simple, can’t blame others, certainly can’t blame the devil for anything. That’s the beautiful thing about Equality and Oneness, it doesn’t  allow room to blame anyone, because then you’re only blaming yourself. Even the devil is a self-reflection of myself if he still exist.

So I forgive myself for using and abusing others by blaming them, instead of taking responsibility for myself.

When and as I see myself blaming, and/or giving excuses I stop, I breathe.

When and as I see myself saying “the devil made me do it”, I stop, I breathe. Because I see/realize the devil is a reflection of me, so blaming the devil/anyone is useless, I must take responsibility for myself.

I stop, I breathe.

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