Day 271 – Mind runs on Energy, no wonder I love sad music.

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Breathing is the key, otherwise slowly but surely the mind will start its story. To stop the mind is a serious business; I mean this is something insanely new and never attempted by humans before. Desteni is providing the tools on how to do this, yes stopping the mind.

Some may argue that stopping the mind as zombie-like, not seen/realizing that living as a mind is in fact being a zombie, so unaware of anything really, just living on automation. An automated human robot, just input-output patterned system, how can I even call myself as a human being, where is my LIVING DIRECTIVE PRINCIPLE, where is my power of self, where is ME? Giving up patterns is not easy; giving up old ways is not easy. You might even run the risk of getting yourself killed by some fanatic for proposing to change the old ways. Try telling a Muslim fellow to question his faith/beliefs and that holly book of his, then, observe the reactions. That’s an example of patterned well established system behavior, its easy to see in religious context, but that’s what’s happening in all aspect of our lives.

Last night I was listening to some tunes from sri-lanka, as a teen I used to enjoy those tunes, and even now they the power to trigger those good old memories and feelings. You see feelings is the key, addiction to feelings, yes we are addicted to feelings. I found within myself I am addicted to not just happy feelings in music, but also sad, melodic, melancholic tunes, kind of music that puts a sad, pitiful mode; this is so deliberate, seeking to be unhappy/sad/pitiful. Wow.

I mean why do I prefer to listen to sad/mellow tunes? This is a pattern, a way of conditioning I have accepted and allowed within myself during my early years. I know during the 80’s Tamil music was melodic and kind of sadly sad, yet highly addicted, a lot of songs about mothers, lost love, lost romance, you know sort of things that gets your heart melt. It has resulted in a kind of addiction to such emotions. A learned and accepted/allowed pattern within myself.

I am alone responsible for clearing these through the application of self-forgiveness and self-correction. I mean there is no other way; Jesus cannot save my ass from my addiction to sad tunes. I mean even when I am happy in my life situation I have the tendency to listen to good old melodic/sad tunes from the 80’s. So this is something I can let go with self-forgiveness and be here as breath.

What is the point of listening to music so often anyways? What/why is this addiction? Sometime I would listen to the same tune over and over again. WTF. See the mind works with energy, as it is energy, resourced from the human physical body, so the mind loves anything energy-base. I mean that’s why our media organizations are crazy about fueling the mind with energetic stuff like fear/anger/lust etc; of course fear sells just like sex. Horror, fear, lust all gets our mind-energy juices going. Now they even advertise horror movies by saying “you will really be scared with this show”, as if we the audience deliberately want to experience that intense fear, ever wonder why? It seems there is an addictive joy in intense fear, no wonder horror news get so much views, and the TV/media groups make a lot of money out of it.

Addiction to fear is same as addiction to sad tunes. It’s basically addiction to mind’s energy, desire, the love, crave to feed the mind. To feel that ENERGY, that addictive feeling/energy behind sadness. Fear, anger, lust etc. Not seen/realizing all that just consumes the body, the human physical body, depleting and deteriorating the body, no wonder old people look like dried grapes that has been sitting under the sun for ages, it’s the sign of depletion, thanks to the mind.

So here I am, seen/realizing my mind’s addiction to sad tunes, directing myself to write self-forgiveness and self-correction.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be addicted to sad music.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be addicted to sad Tamil music from the 80’s.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be addicted to melancholic, sad, pitiful Tamil music, in that not seen/realizing that I am actually addicted to the feeling it gives me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to like, desire, and feel good when I listen to sad music, in this I forgive me for not seen that I actually LIKE to be sad, it even feels good to be sad.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that I am actually addicted to sadness.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be addicted to sadness, and pettiness.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I need some energy buzz to be OK, otherwise I am not ok.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I can’t just me BE here, just breathing, as if breathing is not enough, I need something more, excitement, sadness, something more for the mind.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I can’t just be me here just with self-breathing. In this I forgive me for desiring, wanting, needing some energy excitement for the mind.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I can’t just be me here; just breathing, but I need some energy for the MIND, either sadness or happiness.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I am profoundly lacking something and that’s why I need energy excitement/sadness in the mind to keep me ALIVE. In this I forgive me for not seen/realizing that mind excitement/sadness doesn’t keep me alive, it deteoriates my physical, depletes my body. So I breathe, seen/realizing that the energy of excitement/sadness is not needed, it’s an addiction in the mind, it’s a pattern in the mind to resource energy for the mind from the body.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to like being sad, and therefore I forgive me for enjoying sad music because it gives the required energy/feeling for the mind in the form of sadness.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize I am addicted to the energy/feeling buzz of sadness therefore I go looking for it in the form of good old Tamil music instead of breathing here in and as breath.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize this is a mind addiction for feeling/energy of the mind, so I stop, I breathe.

There is no magic cure to remove these patterns, only way is to breathe through it, so I direct myself to breathe and be here, and realizing that I am whole, I am here, I miss nothing, it’s the mind’s believe that I need something from out there to feed my mind, be it sad music or some person, to give me some energy, some feeding.

So I stand here, in this mighty universe, just me, yes alone, not needing, seeking, wanting energy source, but here just here breathing, I mean once dead I will be alone anyways without any energy source feeding me, so why crave for it now, and in that craving I rush myself to the cgrave, which is really stupid. So I see/realize, I am here, I am live, and my life is not about wanting/needing/seeking energy for my mind. I am not an energy feeder for the mind consciousness system.

I let go, I breathe, I direct myself to breathe with my whole body seen/realizing that I don’t’ need energy feed like a drug addict. I can simply be here, I can just breathe be content with it.

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