Day 275 – What to do when possessed by Jealousy? Breathe.

Join this FREE Self-Writing Course.
Join this FREE Self-Writing Course.

Jealousy, god who the fuck did invented this emotion. Jealousy is the idea that I own people and that people must only deal with me, have relationships with me, have discussions only with me, it stems from the desire for ownership, owning people, be it partners, family members, co-workers, friends, relatives, it doesn’t matter I just want to own them. BE MINE, and MINE only.  This doesn’t have to be intimate relationships either, even within casual friendships, this nasty jealousy emotion shows up.

It’s also the fear of being alone, fear of being left out, fear of having to make it alone, fear not being part of the in-crowd, fear of not being part of the gang, not being part of the popular groups, not being welcomed into the core group of people, strange fears. Jesus. I can remember getting jealous in some of the most weird scenarios in my life even embarrassing to mention. I guess I am obsessed with being LIKED, and in that jealousy is easy to manifest.

I remember as a kid not being part of a group of kids during playtime which activated jealousy, fear and anger, always wanting, needing, desiring to be accepted by others, by other groups of people. And of course in intimate relationships jealousy comes up naturally every time there is ‘another’ in the scene, and this ‘another’ is someone who is getting more attention than me, that’s all. Wow.

So how to overcome this self-degrading emotion, first to understand that this is an emotion in the mind, created out of thoughts, ideas, opinions, past memories, etc, I mean, as a physical being jealousy is impossible, only the mind enables feeling of jealousy.

Sometimes in this coffee shop, I see groups of Muslim youngsters having fun together chit-chatting in their own language and what-not, there seems a great joy and unity within them, but is that really so? Because in their back-home countries they kill each other, Muslims killing Muslims, so where the joy of brotherhood, or friendship I see here and consequently feel jealous about? Upon seen groups of people I form opinions about them, which makes me less-than them, and thereby jealousy is easily self-manifested. And it doesn’t have to be a large group of people, it can be just 2+, and me on the other side can easily get jealous. Man this sucks. This jealous thing sucks big time, there is no other way, I will have to breathe and LET IT GO. Have to walk this breath-by-breath, nothing more, because anything more can trigger the mind to produce jealousy.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to experience fear of being left out when I am with groups of people.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to experience fear of not been included by others.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to experience jealousy when I am with any group of people.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to experience jealousy when I am within any group of 2 or more people.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel jealous when I am with 2 or more people, and in this I forgive me for wanting, desiring, needing to own people like properties.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want and desire to possess people as if they are property, just for me, for my pleasure/use only.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel fear and experience jealousy within me when I am with any group of people. Within this I forgive me for believing and thinking that others MUST include me in their groups. In this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel fear and jealous when I think and believe that I am not being included, not seen/realizing that what I think/believe is my own thoughts, is my own delusion.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel threatened when I am with groups of people who are 2 or more, in that I forgive me for believing that they are leaving me out, and in that self-judgment I have allowed myself to feel jealous.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize jealousy is a sign of not breathing, not being HERE. in this I see/realize the solution is to breathe effectively. What else could one do when possessed by Jealousy? 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel Jealous because I think and believe that others are leaving me out, not including me, not considering me, and apparently they are valuing me as LESS-THAN, and in that I forgive me for not realizing that jealousy is self-created out of wanting, desiring, seeking to be MORE-than, instead of SIMPLY BEING HERE breathing. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that I am not content with just breathing here, and I want more, and in that wanting/needing/desiring more I end up feeling Jealous. so in this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize the starting point of jealousy is self-judgement, is thinking, and therefore I see/realize only by breathing, breath-by-breath could I overcome this emotional nightmare. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize, wanting, desiring, seeking attention is another reason for jealousy. so in this I see/realize my start point of why I am desiring/seeking/needing attention in the first place?

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize I seek/desire/want to be in relationships with people so that I can get their attention, and in that I forgive me for reacting in anger when i don’t get their attention, and consequently feel jealous also. So the problem is in the starting point of wanting, desiring, seeking attention from people through so-called relationships. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize, doing what is best for all, breath by breath here in considering all as equals is the key, not taking any sides, not preferring, not wanting, not needing. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see/realize that jealousy is just that, an EMOTION, and only way to contain its power is through the power of breathing. Others cannot contain my jealousy, others cannot do or say things to contain my Jealousy. I have to direct myself to live here, breath by breath, and breathing with the whole body in this is self-supportive. 

I have always seen myself as an outsider, no matter what group of people I am with, I will find some reason to leave me out, and in that jealousy/anger will manifest in some form. Jealousy also the desire to control an outcome in my favor where I will end up getting more attention/likeness etc. 

This is an extensive point..so To be continued………………

Join us.

 

Advertisements

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s