Day 276: Self-Honesty is KEY to Self-Correction.

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Daily writing is a commitment, I mean they wouldn’t have named it ‘daily writing’ if it means write when you can or when you feel like it. That’s the thing about daily writing, it must be written daily, every day. Yesterday I wrote yesterday’s blog, but I couldn’t’ finish it, so today I finished it and now focusing on today’s blog, basically 1.5 blogs for today, not cool. I say write 1 per day, and write that 1 per day as a commitment to daily writing.

Another vital point I have to face in my daily writing is, what am I writing about? For whom am I writing this for? I mean am I writing this as a ‘journal’ for others to read, those are cool questions, if not properly understood I could end up deluding myself. First and foremost, this is self-writing; this is my own guideline I am setting for myself, by looking at my own points to sort them out. I mean, this blog in no way whatsoever a publication for others.

But then one could ask the question why do I even publish? Well, this is shared, yes, but not shared as a newspaper or something to get or keep the readers occupied. This is simply sharing my SHIT out, and by reading this if you find that you too have similar shit then, perhaps this might show you some tips for you to work on yourself, but this is MY GUIDELINE for me, and this will NOT BE YOUR guideline, not at all.

That’s an important reminder for myself that I am writing as self-writing. I am writing this for me, to sort my shit out. Because in the deep secret background of my mind there is a voice saying “do a good job so the readers will like your blog”. Now that’s the height of self-delusion, naming it ‘Journey to Life’ but really wanting attention from others. Sharing is cool, no doubt, but this is not about others, this writing is about ME. This is MY JOURNEY TO LIFE.

So that brings home a cool point. I must really dig deep into points, have to really see/examine in total self-honesty, and I must write things as a guideline for myself. How would I make quick little notes to remind things for myself? Just like that, this is a reminder to me, a guideline to me. Certainly this can assist others, that’s a bonus, but I am not a publication for others, this is self-writing, for self-correction, for self-change. I still care to produce a readable, clean, decent piece of writing every day, but the content is entirely about myself, my SHIT, done in complete self-honesty.

There is no point in deceiving myself. I would be wasting 7 years in doing so. Hence it’s vital I really see how I write, am I preaching? Who am I preaching to? Or am I writing to myself as a guideline?

A sincere, clear, clean through self-look at myself is what this journal is all about, otherwise I am only pretending here, am I pretending to correct myself here? Am I pretending to forgive myself here? Am I pretending to correct points? Am I trying to look like a cool destonian? I mean it’s obvious, honesty within self is absolutely paramount here, if any change to take place at all. No self-honesty, no change. Simple.

Showing off my change is a clear sign that I am not changing, just playing good old game with a new name. So again, my honestly within me, call it self-honesty, is vital here. Breathing is important in this regard, breathing to sort of verify within me what the fuck am I writing. Breathe, pause, write, and breathe, check-within as Anu would nicely put it.

I commit myself to breathe as I write so that I can verify/check to myself that I am not wondering into show-off land.  

I commit myself to look within as I write, to see the self-honesty of my expression, my guideline here. So that I won’t be deluding myself.

I commit myself look at the points in complete self-honesty, not just gloss over it, not just pick and chose the aspects of a point, rather to investigate in full honesty about a given point. Because I see I can ‘present’ a part of myself just to be cool, which is really not cool. It would self-delusion.

I commit myself to slow down, not rush, not write just to get a blog out, but rather slow down as in breathing, and then look a point for the day. In this I commit myself to be humble, not hard on myself, not judgmental, not fake, not crony, not pretending, no self-deluding.

I commit myself to realize that this self-writing process is a journey of self-correction and so there couldn’t be anything fake or bullshit in that, because bullshitting implies I am lying so clearly self-correction cannot even begin when there are LIES.

I commit myself to look at myself and actually dig things out, but self-honesty first.

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