Day 279 – Breathe each Breath with Awareness. Not Easy. Self-Honesty is not Easy.

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Interesting video I listened to today by Bernard Poolman, in which he speaks about self-honesty, “Where self-honesty begins”. Very cool indeed.

He gave 3 examples: smoking, when you face a point where you cannot take it anymore, you have to have that smoke, in that moment you say NO, and that’s self-honesty. The moment where you have been thinking about a person, it drives you nuts, crazy, you want to have sex with him/her, you want to make love to them, you’re going nuts thinking about this person, then you decide to STOP, just stop, that’s a moment of self-honesty. Or when facing masturbation, you can’t take it anymore, you have to do it, and then you say NO.

Instead of taking the EASY path, you take the HARD path, hard from the perspective, it is NOT in your preprograming, but you walk the decision by SAYING NO.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize my constant and continuous thinking about RR is not helping me, it’s an easy addiction I have developed and hanging onto.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize, participating in this nonstop thinking about RR which drives me nuts, and crazy, and in that I forgive me for taking the EASY path.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize, self-honesty is the point where I say NO to the easy path, the past path, the imagination path, the desires, the wants, the lust, the greed, all that which gives me what I WANT and DESIRE.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize, self-honesty is where I say NO to what is easy, and instead taking the HARD path, the difficult path that honors LIFE. Not the easy pre-programmed path.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that I must face self-honesty anyways, be it here now or at the moment of my death, so why not face it now? In this I see/realize that I have allowed myself to let the past pre-programming direct me, instead of ME deciding what path to take based on the principle of what is best for ALL.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize, putting off facing self-honest moments doesn’t mean they will disappear, not seen/realize the more I put off, the more severe those points will come back. Basically there is no hiding from self-honesty. Be it here or in the hereafter I must face those points.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize, walking the easy path, as the name suggest is the EASY path, as I have done it a zillion times, but walking the difficult self-honest, life-honoring path is difficult, and daunting. But this is the path of self-honesty; it’s not going to be easy. So I see/realize that at every moment, I am presented with the choice: to think or to not to think? Thinking continuously and going nuts about it is self-abusive and self-dishonest.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize, I am here as LIFE, not just a mind, or a personality, I am HERE as LIFE. Therefore I see/realize/understand my responsibility as LIFE to face each moment and NOT take the easy path, but take the hard/difficult life-honoring path.  I see/realize that life is about becoming self-honest and then honoring all life as myself. Taking the easy way, easy path is so easy to do, as I have done it a zillion times.

And now the time is here, or will put it off again? The moment is here. The breath is here, to face each moment and face it, take the difficult path, and in this regard, the simplest act of self-honesty is breathing, the breath, in and out, moving along with the breath, living here as breath, NOT going to the ease of thinking, but living here as the hard/difficult path of being with the BREATH.

I commit myself to walk into and face this self-honest moment as breathing with awareness. I see/realize breathing it fully with awareness as in 4-count breathing is a HARD thing, a self-honest thing. But the easy path is endless thinking and not being even aware of a single breath.

I commit myself to check my breathing, in each breath, to see if I am taking the easy path or the difficult path, because that will indicate if I am walking the pre-programmed path or not.

So I commit myself to walk the new way, the way of LIFE by breathing each breath with awareness HERE.

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