Day 291 – ‘Thinking is Living’ pattern causes fear of breathing with awareness.

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I have been looking at how I am breathing and general focus on breathing. This is because I realize without breathing properly, effectively, it will be a struggle for me to walk this process, I mean, breathing is a basic tool/step in this process. Breathing effectively implies breathing with awareness, in a way assisting and supporting myself to cut down the movie that is running wild.

So today I was relatively successful in putting the brakes on the movie, meaning I was able to breathe fully, with awareness some of the times. For sure this hasn’t become a second nature yet.

Why is it so difficult to breathe each breath with awareness? I mean what’s so hard/difficult about it? In my case, it’s my addiction to think, to participate in the fascinating the stuff the mind is coming up with, I just don’t want to miss any actions, I don’t want to miss any ‘living’, all that cool stuff going on in the mind, my goodness who wants to miss that. So that is the basic fear, that if I leave the mind that I might miss ‘living’, miss the actions, and turn myself into a mindless zombie.

That’s the fear which has been programmed into my mind, to my beingness from the controllers which I readily accepted and allowed. I mean, I honestly believe that if I were not think, that I would miss out on ‘living’. So here living is equated to thinking. I still think, think and think, I mean, I have not stopped entirely yet, still going to the movie so to speak. Well, who wants to miss the show, who wants to NOT live, thinking is living after all.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that thinking is LIVING.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that if I don’t think then I am not living apparently, because thinking is living.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that if I focus on breathing then I am apparently missing out on living, I am missing the actions.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that if I breathe with awareness then I am apparently missing out on living, because thinking is living.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to equate thinking to living and in that programm my body and mind and my beingness into believing that thinking is LIVING.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear not thinking because apparently if I don’t’ think then I am not living, because thinking is living.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to accept the mind control that says “THINKING IS LIVING”.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to condition myself, my body, my mind, my beingness into believing that “THINKING IS LIVING”

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to experience fear upon focusing on my breathing because I have allowed the idea that thinking is living and therefore I become fearful when not living i.e. not thinking.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear breathing with awareness.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear breathing every breath with awareness.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe living is in the head, in that completely disregard the body, not pay any attention at all to the body.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize I am pro-programmed, conditioned to believe that ‘thinking is living’ and therefore I am conditioned to experience fear when I focus on my breath as I breathe. Effectively I have been programmed to NOT breathe with awareness so to keep the mind going and going.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize, there is no escape from this, sooner or later, I will have to pay attention, to myself, to my body, to my breath.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize, LIFE IS A GIFT, and breathing with awareness is a way to honor that gift here, and not breathing with awareness is wasting of life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize I have a chance here, I am still alive, I am still breathing, so wasting away the gift of my life is utter irresponsibility, therefore I direct myself to see/realize that I am here as a gift, I am breathing as a gift, and I still have time, to correct myself and be HERE.

Death will be too late to breathe. So I direct myself to stop the pattern of ‘thinking is living’ by directing me to breathe with awareness. I see/realize that this must become my second nature; I must breathe every breath with awareness, not missing out even a single breath.

When and as I see that I am not breathing with awareness, I stop, I see/realize that it’s time to change the pattern from shallow breathing to whole body breathing, into breathing with awareness.

I am here. I am breathing.

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