Day 295 – Energy Addiction to People’s Attention

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to experience energy addiction towards people and in that become dependent on them and at the same time fear them.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize I fear not getting the energy attention from them.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to desire people from whom I can get an energy attention.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to experience/view energy need as attraction, not seen/realizing it’s pure mind-need for attention, and has nothing to do with so-called likeness or attraction or compatibility. Just wanting mind-energy to keep/sustain my energy crave.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear people the moment I sense that I like their energetic attention, because the moment I sense I like their attention, I fear losing it. Desire and fear go hand in hand.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to interpret mind-energy crave/need as likeness or attraction not seen/realizing it’s just a drug-need for the mind. And in that people are being used to feed mind needs, just like using drugs.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use people to sustain/maintain/keep up my mind by using people as energy-feeds.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use people as drugs so that they can feed my mind’s need for attention.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to desire energetic highs of the mind and in that not seen/realizing that such highs results in the depletion of the human physical body.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to crave for some people and their attention so that I can feel good about myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to experience fear of loss after getting their attention, because I fear losing attention.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to possess people as if they are property so that they can feed me, give me attention, so that I can be all happy.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define myself by others, meaning define my very existence by them, by what they do to me, in that I see/realize that I am not here as breath, as physical, just me, here, not needing, not wanting, not desiring anyone’s attention. I am here breathing. I am here living breath by breath, not seeking/wanting/attempting/desiring anyone’s attention. I mean I am OK, perfectly fine without anybody’s attention. I will live, I will not die without attention. The mind however may experience withdrawal syndrome and then panic/shake, but I am here, so I direct myself to breathe, be here. And not feeding the mind.

This addiction to people is a big one, mind loves it, craves for it, which I have accepted and allowed. Instead of being here as a physical being, communicating as physical beings, I see/realize I have allowed myself to need/desire/want the attention from people, that’s my main driving point. I mean a human being is much more than an energy-provider, so people not to be used as energy-feeders for my mind’s survival. Communicating, getting to know, doing things together, eating together, living together, expanding together, growing together should be the focus, NOT just wanting/desiring/seeking/needing their attention for my mind. A relationship, a friendship, a marriage cannot sustain if I am constantly needing/desiring/seeking/wanting that energy-attention from the other, I mean sooner or later it will become a drag to other and I will become dependent on the other, so my survival depends on them, so wherever I don’t get that expected energy boost/attention, then I will go into rage and attack them.  FEED MY MIND or else.

So I stop this desire/want/need for people to give me this attention, this is within all relationship context not just marriage, even in casual relationships I have noticed I am driven by energy attention, it seems like energy attention is the only reason ever why I mingle with people. So I stop this madness, when and as I see myself craving/desiring/wanting/needing/seeking energy attention from others to FEED my MIND, I stop, I breathe, seen/realizing such energy-dependent relationships cannot be sustained, sooner or later, the crave will explode. I mean, only so much attention one can give to me, before they become sick and tired of it.

I breathe. I embrace myself. Join us: www.desteni.org

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