Daily writing continues. Today I was taken by fear. Fear sucks. At the same time, I overcame it. Just stick to the practical things, the list of things to do, accomplish, instead of panicking or fearing. Making a list helps, instead of allowing the mind to be consumed with fear-energy, focus on writing a list of actions and getting those actions done, one at a time. As the list is marked off, the fear recedes.
I am visiting another site next week for work. I will be doing software support or general issues with software. Initially I was overtaken by fear, and nearly gave up. Today the manager gave me a little pep talk and that helped me to refocus, after, I went about making a list of things to prepare, get done, so that I will be ready for action next week. And the list is ready, I just have to walk one issue at a time, one problem at a time, one session at a time, and in fact, one breath at a time.
Breathing will be very important next week, I mean, it’s important very moment, but given the stressful situation, the loads of people, I will be better off breathing, each breath with awareness, then, carefully attending to the problems, without letting any thoughts, emotions or feelings on the way. Because if I start to think thoughts of doubts, fears, worries, anxieties, etc, then, soon that will turn into a balloon of energy which can be crippling. So the best self-support I can give to myself during next week, while attending this challenging work assignments will be to BREATHE with awareness, breath by breath.
What does it mean to breathe breath by breath? To me it means, focus!!! Focus on this moment, here, be aware of the breath, notice the air movement, note the air reaching the stomach, feel the expansion and contraction of the stomach, do that with every breath. And intently listen to people when they speak, when asking or saying something, because in that I am learning and giving/receiving clear instructions. So yes, intense listening is vital, and to do that I must breathe with awareness, and be here.
And of course, a sense of self-awareness, my general self-presentation, movements, because I will be dealing with loads of people. A sense of presence, professionalism is cool, not to show a depressed looking sad monkey self. Breathe and be here, communicate, listen, understand, learn, get help, ask for help, set up the environment, be focus on problem solving, don’t pass the buck, do the initial investigation, research and share detail problem statements so the people who are responsible for fixing the matter can attend to it with clarity. And therefore it is my responsibility next week to be very attentive, listening, focused, solving problems, and above all BREATHE with awareness.
I allowed fear today for no reason; glad I was able to eject myself out of it. The list helped. The list of things to do, resolve, prepare, get ready. Again breathing with awareness will be vital next week, not allowing thoughts, emotions and feelings to pile up.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear doing next week’s factory visit for work.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear that I may not be a good on-site helper, not seen/realizing that is my mind’s voice sabotaging me.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to ‘feel’ that I am less prepared and not on par on providing software support for other staff members.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see/realize I just have to breathe each breath attentively, with awareness and that will be of great assistance to me.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see/realize preparing a list of actions/things/prepare is the way, make the list and tick them as I proceed.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see/realize I can only do one thing at a time, therefore I direct myself to focus on one thing at a time, not get carried away with various issues all at once. It is an illusion to believe in multi-tasking, I am not a computer with a multiple CPUs running, I can handle one thing at a time only, but I can do so with full attention, by breathing with awareness, and thereby maximizing my single-focused attention. Because I see the problem is my single CPU (mind) is loaded with loads of emotions, feelings, thoughts, fears, doubts, all those stuff which hogs my CPU and slow it down, distracts it from getting the actual work-at-hand done.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see/realize listening attentively is a very important self-stabilizing point, which in turns help to remove the junk from the mind/cpu and allowing me to focus/get the job done.
So yes, that ‘List of Things to do’, helped me. As I marked off each item on The List, I noticed a marked difference in my fear level, nice/simple way to reduce fear, obviously the self-forgiveness, self-correction and self-writing is a vital too, to get to the core of fears.
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