Day 335 – Extreme Fear of being Ripped Off.

momI forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear being ripped off by others.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that others out there are hell bent on ripping me off.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to mistrust advice from anyone in relation to buying and selling within the idea that I cannot trust anyone because apparently they are hell bent on ripping me off.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think and believe that nobody has my best interest and they only have the interest of ripping me off.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to carry a memory where my mother was getting angry with me because I bargained with the trader, in that I forgive me for developing the construct that even my mother is on the ‘other side’ with the trader not seen my position, in that I forgive me for developing a paranoia that everyone is looking to rip me off.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to experience intense anger when my mother was taking trader’s side and not my side in the bargaining negotiations, in that I forgive me for allowing the feeling that ‘she is teaming up’ with the trader against me, in that not seen/realizing that she was simply looking for attention by appeasing/pleasing the trader and also she lacks the understanding about what is best for all, there is nothing personal in this. Therefore I forgive me for holding a grudge against my mother by thinking and believing that she will always take ‘their sides’ against me and not apparently consider my well-being.

In that I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to develop paranoia where I am petrified of being ripped off by others.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to see my mother as someone who will even throw me to the fire to appease others in order to get their attention towards her, in this I forgive myself for mistrusting my mother and holding anger towards her.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hate going to traders with my mother because within the fear that she will not allow me to discuss/negotiate any price reductions, in that I forgive me for believing that she is hell bent on appeasing the traders, making them happy, for which I must pay, in that I forgive myself for holding a rage, an anger, a judgment towards my mother, because I see/realize that she doesn’t have the understanding about what is best for all, she like all other minds, only cares about self-survival, the survival of her mind-consciousness system, that’s it, for that she will even throw her son into the fire, if she has to. In this I forgive myself for reacting to her ‘taking sides with the traders’ attitude, not seen/realizing she didn’t know what she was doing.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to always feel like as if I have been ripped off by others after any sales deal.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think and believe that my car dealer in 2011 must have ripped me off, not seen/realizing it was by responsibility to walk through the bill-of-sale and understand it line-by-line to see if there has been any mistakes, instead of panicking and fearing that somebody must have ripped me off at the dealership. Here I see/realize that in this world people do rip off each other to survive, it’s not personal, I mean, in this cruel world of survival of the fittest, everyone is sort of programmed to rip off each other as to win-at-any-cost, so I see/realize it is my responsibility to understand the terms, the payments, the car loan details, the taxes, etc., instead of fearing, panicking and going into paranoia.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think and believe that the car dealership must have indeed ripped me off, not seen/realizing that it is my responsibility to understand the bill-of-sale in full detail, instead of blaming and accusing others from the starting point of paranoia.

I see/realize I have developed this paranoia of being ripped off by others when I went shopping with my mom a long time ago, I was negotiating with the trader, a jeweler, obviously you don’t just pay whatever the guy is asking, in fact, negotiation is the norm, but for some reason, as per my mom’s rule, I must pay whatever the trader is asking, as to make him happy. In that memory, I recall exploding in rage and anger, and also I developed a sense of paranoia that others are against me, they are ‘one team’ and me alone on the negotiating table. So here, I let that memory go, I see/realize my mom, I mean, she didn’t  know any better, she didn’t  know what’s best for all, she was perhaps more concerned about getting the happy attention from the trader by making him happy, I realize we are all looking for attention to feed our minds, and my mom is no exception. In this I forgive me for exploding out of the jeweler’s shop in anger and rage, as to make a statement “fuck you” to both of them. In that I see/realize, it is my responsibility to understand the context, their minds, and calmly direct the situation to what is best for all. Here I am a buyer, and he is a trader, obviously there will be a profit margin, so in considering all that, I realize I should have not taken anything personally, simply breathe and direct the situation to the best of all.

These are memories from 15 years or so, but they allowed the creation of ‘rip me off’ paranoia. The extreme fearing of being ripped off.

In this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think and believe that I must be part of a team, that there must be one or more who are ‘with me’ on my team, so that I can form a formidable team in negotiating with others especially traders.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think and believe that my fear of buying things is justified because I apparently lack a formidable team on my side of the negotiating table. In this I forgive myself for believing that even my mother is taking side with others, so who on earth will be on my side? In this I forgive myself for believing that I am alone on the negotiating table. I forgive myself for believing that I NEED a team, not seen/realizing, all I need is myself, my breath, my body, my stability, my awareness of me breathing HERE, in that calmness, stability, in-breath and out-breath awareness, I see/realize I can negotiate even with the devil, me standing alone here firmly. I require no team to back me up, as I am ALL-ONE.

Here I see/realize the team of LIFE is on my side, as I am one and equal to life, I am one with life, and so, I stand together with all that is life.

When and as I see myself activating that intense fear of being ripped off by others, I stop, I breathe, I slow myself down, I direct myself to read all the fine prints of the sales, and then, accordingly take my time to make a decision.

When and as I see myself stepping into that intense fear of being ripped off, I stop, I breathe, and I direct myself to take my time to slow myself down before I make a decision, and I see/realize I am responsible for the fine prints, and I am responsible for asking questions and making a well informed decision in purchases. I direct myself to not be rushed by anyone to appease or satisfy anyone, this is my life, so I am responsible for the fine prints. If anyone indeed ripped me off, then, I am responsible for allowing that person to rip me off, I mean, he/she didn’t put a gun on my head, they simply rushed me or, manipulated the information in order get me sign the dotted lines, so clearly it is my responsibility to remain calm, and get all the information, and take my time before I decide/sign that purchase.

Nobody can rip me off, if I stay calm, focused, here, attentive to the physical and remain here in and as the breath. So as always, I am responsible for what I allow in my life and in my world. Obviously if somebody put a gun on my head and said: ‘sign it’ of course, that’s a different story, that’s extortion not a sale. What I am deconstructing here is my extreme fear of being ripped off, to the point of paranoia. Not anymore, till here no further, I will no long accept and allow myself to let that fear of being ripped off direct me; instead I will take all the step to read/understand/investigate the details of the sales, and decide accordingly. Because I see I am responsible for myself, of course, if I rely on others to make decisions for me, and they will decide according to their own minds, which has on its own self-interest, nothing personal here. 

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