Day 342 – Good enough Trust is NOT Good enough.

the purpose of lifeEnergy dance of Shiva is the word to describe some of the energy movements I have been experiencing this evening. But that’s the thing about energy movements, they will soon go-away, but I must remain as breath/breathing. It’s easy to get caught in the current of the energy movement. No different to any other form of addiction, energy is addiction, it’s the desire to give-in to appease/satisfy the energy hunger. It could have many faces. Bottom line is breathing is the way out of any form of energy addictions, so this reminds me that I have not been consistent in my breath application. Still getting caught in the mind and its swings.

Desire can be a pretty big energy addiction; one has to be very careful in this. Some of the forces of the mind can be very tricky and powerfully justifiable, a strong willed decision must be made and LIVED. The decision alone is not enough, it must be LIVED. LIVE the decision. Am I living my decision? Or am I allowing and accepting occasional slips. I mean that’s pretty lame to make one decision and still allow a backdoor where I can sneak out once in a while. That’s not a LIVING decision. A living decision does not waver.

Anyways, I must decide for real, make that decision for real, if I am going to allow occasional slips in my commitments/decisions so that I can still enjoy an outing driven by the energy the night.

I feel rather disappointed about my wavering living decisions, still allowing and accepting excuses. On rare moments the decision will be tested, will be tested to the absolute. No good just living for 99% of the time, it must be 100% of the time, to say 99% is good enough is not good enough. Good enough is not good enough. It must be absolute. Trust that is Good Enough is not good enough, trust must be absolute. Not just good enough. So that’s the problem with half lived, wavering decisions. It must be lived absolutely, unwavering, above and beyond ‘good enough’.

So this is something I have to really work on, the good enough is not good enough, is something I have to really chew in all areas of my LIFE. I mean, am I going to stand for LIFE and birth myself as LIFE and assist birthing a new world OR not? That’s a decision I must make and LIVE in every breath; I cannot let it slip on Friday nights just because I got a ‘sugar’ crave like in the olden days.

So good enough is not good enough. Time to look into this, see/realize and understand why I can’t LIVE the decision absolutely.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe in the idea that living my life decisions 99% of the time as ‘good enough’, not seen/realizing this ‘good enough’ theory is for the lazy minds, because in the very statement ‘good enough’, it is implied that ‘good enough is NOT good enough’.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see/realize walking this process in ‘good enough’ measures is NOT good enough, I mean common sense, am I doing this just to be ‘good enough’? Or am I walking this to the absolute.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see/realize I am allowing ‘good enough’ measures in that in fact allowing the worse to manifest, because ‘good enough’ is not good enough.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see/realize the decisions I have made to stand for LIFE must be lived in full measures, not in ‘good enough’ measures, which is actually a backdoor to walk out, to allow energy rides.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want to struggle against the energy movements that I am having instead of breathing through them, not seen/realizing I cannot ‘fight’ against the energy movements as energy is from substance hence energy is me. I cannot fight myself. Therefore I simply breathe and be aware of the body/breath/eyes.

Today I listened to a cool interview by Anu, in which he shared a physical application to try: basically ‘feel’ your eyes few times a day, for few days, and note how you ‘feel them’, is it cold, hold, in pain, things like that, and note them down. Anu goes to describe that in the next interview of the series he will explain what to do with the eye observations.

So that’s something very interesting, I like it when Anu gives ‘practical’ techniques like that, unfortunately I haven’t gathered them all, I am sure somebody in the desteni forum would have listed it somewhere, I must investigate this. And for now, I will try this ‘eye feel’ practice few times a day.

See a lot is going in this process, so many interviews are out there, so many blogs, so many videos, I mean what else am I waiting for to LIVE this process, to LIVE this decision? Meaning, it’s time to stop the cosmic energy dance of Shiva within my body and mind and actually LIVE here as a principled human being, one who stand for LIFE no matter what. No more wavering, no more giving excuses, no more backdoors, no more whining and mourning, time to LIVE above and beyond ‘good enough’ measures.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see/realize the simplicity of living this decision; because I just have to LIVE only this breath, this moment, here, and then breath-by-breath live it, as there is no other way, I can only live it breath-by-breath.

This breath, what is that I am accepting and allowing? This breath, what is that I am avoiding? This breath, am I standing for what is best for all? Just this breath, am I standing for what is best for all, which is life? Or am I allowing energy dances to rule me? Am I allowing energy to dictate me? have I become an energy dictator? Or am I standing/living my decisions? Good enough is not good enough. 

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