Day 376 – Music Robot. Escaping reality by listening to music.

musicListening to music often is turning self into a music robot. I mean what is that I get out of listening to music so much? What is that I am trying to avoid or trying to feel? Listening to music in moderation is cool, but lately I see I am listening to some tunes bit too much. This is like meditation, trying to escape, hide away through music.

Some of these tunes I am familiar through my teen years, so I am kind of returning to olden-golden era, by listening to so-called golden hits of Tamil Music. In a way this sucks big time, I am wasting some time on this as well as wasting my human physical body on this, because as you listen to those melodic tunes the mind goes high/low on emotions, which means the body has to produce the emotions by eating away the physical-energy. Another lost is, as I am lost in the musical dimension, I am NOT HERE, I am lost somewhere, gone somewhere, gone with the winds as they say. Kind of being drunk on music, not here, not breathing, not self-aware of this moment, not taking self-responsibility to this moment, to be here, to breathe, to become aware of the breath/body etc. so music is a nice gateway, just like meditation, nice way to escape.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see/realize listening to too much music is turning me into a music robot, where I am allowing myself to get lost in a musical mind-dimension therefore I am NOT HERE. I am lost.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see/realize listening to old tunes, those golden-hits of Tamil music, is a way to avoid taking self-responsibility for THIS MOMENT here, it’s a way to escape, hide in some musical dimension of the mind.

Because as I listen to those golden-hits, where am I? I am gone somewhere, I am lost somewhere, I am lost in some corner of my mind, some dimension of my mind, it’s like I am not here, I am hiding somewhere sweet and melodic, that’s the delusion because the PHYSICAL REALITY is still here, but I am apparently floating in some musical paradise inside my mind, nobody can see it, just me lost/hiding/enjoying in a secret sweet chamber within my mind. How delusional is this?

Certainly I am not proposing the END to music, but to get a high/low out of it, to get a hiding/escape out of it, is a problem.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see/realize when I listen to those melodic tunes, I am not here, I lack self-awareness, I am half-sleepy, I am floating in some wonderland of music, not seen/realizing I have become a music robot by listening to too much music.

The escape is the problem. Then how can I ever listen/enjoy music? There are so many great tunes out there which I love, so how to enjoy them without becoming a music robot? I think the key is moderation, not spending too much time on it, especially when I see that I am listening to the same song again and again, well that’s a sign I am on a drug trip. Looking for more and more, want that high/low energy more and more. That’s a problem. Just listen to it once and let it go. Keep on listening to one song or similar songs for hours on is a disease, an attempt to escape.

I like to have the old tunes playing very often, so just listening to them again and again. Either this is a sign of boredom or depression or some kind of a mental disease. Some years back I had a roommate, this person would listen to same type of Tamil music very often almost daily, then I recall judging that behavior as lunatic/crazy, because I saw a problem in that situation, almost like daily drug-trip, a daily escape, this person would go to the computer and just play the music for hours, a nightly drug trip. Strange now I am doing the same.

A desire to escape, that’s the thing, I am looking for an escape, some thrill, some emotional trip to avoid physical reality here.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see/realize I am looking for escapes that’s why music is consuming me much lately. I am looking to avoid reality. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see/realize I am looking to escape, looking to avoid, looking to hide from reality, and that’s’ why music is consuming me much lately.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see/realize I am missing LIFE in this moment HERE by getting lost in the music, by hiding in some secret sweet mind-musical-dimension.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see/realize I am driven by the ‘feel good’ emotional factor, that’s the reason why I am consumed by music lately.

I don’t’ need tunes to keep me ALIVE, do I? I don’t’ need music to keep me sane, do I? This is similar to drug addiction, from the perspective that it keeps the MIND occupied, and I get to escape, hide, avoid, and be sleepy somewhere in the mind, so I don’t to pay ATTENTION to this reality-moment. So I can avoid this physical moment here. Not acceptable. 

I STOP. I let go.

When and as I see myself gearing to play those golden-hits Tamil songs, I STOP, I breathe, because I see/realize I have listened to them enough in my life, I have wasted enough hours on it, I have enjoyed them enough, I have gotten emotional high/low on them ENOUGH, so I had enough of the Tamil music, I have enough of the MUSIC, because all it did for me was help me ESCAPE into a mind-dimension, a secret musical chamber in my mind where I can avoid reality. So I stop, I breathe.

When and as I see myself gearing to play the good old tunes, I STOP, I breathe because I see/realize music is like a drug, I am looking for a high, to escape, to hide, to avoid reality. I mean, what else am I getting out of listening to music endlessly? This is like drinking beer or taking drugs, it’s all about getting a high.

The only melody I need is the melody of my in-breath and out-breath here now. So I direct myself to breathe with awareness. Be HERE.

When and as I see myself gearing to play some tunes, I STOP, I breathe, instead I direct myself play some of my favorite videos by Bernard Poolman and hear some commonsense.

There is no time to waste on listening to endless music. This is madness. I stop, I breathe. 

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