Day 440 – Group dynamics, my desire to fit-in. part 2

Hunchback-of-Notre-Dame

I think I will have to walk a bunch of blogs on this subject, as this is a pattern I have been living for a long time.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel angry when I see that others are having lunch as a group together, in this I forgive myself for believing that I have been deliberately left-out and cut off by them.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to get angry and spiteful when I see others hanging out in groups, within that I forgive me for believing that I have been purposefully left out by them.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to get spiteful and become emotionally charged when I see folks hanging out in groups thinking and believing that they have LEFT ME OUT.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to get emotionally charged up because I see others hanging out in groups within that I forgive myself for seen me as being left out.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel rejected and isolated when and as I see people hanging out in groups, within that I forgive myself for feeling like I am being left out by them.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel rejected when people don’t’ ask me to join them to hang out with, within that I forgive me for believing that ‘they don’t like me’, not seen/realizing I am creating a picture of rejection within myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to perceive myself as a loaner when and as I see others hanging out in group and I don’t get any invites to join them.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel spiteful and anger when and as I see people hanging out in groups and within that i forgive me for having judged myself as being left out.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that everyone in the group is leaving me out, ignoring me, cutting me off. In that I forgive myself for judging myself as a reject, as unwanted, as a neglect.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I am an outcast, as someone who is not appreciated within groups, someone who is a loaner.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think and believ myself as a loaner who is unfit to mix and mingle with others, within this I forgive myself for judging myself and punishing myself as a loaner when in fact I am not a loaner, it just I have not develop friendships with these people to mix and mingle in group settings.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to desire to be included by the ‘main group’ while at the same time not wanting to be included by the not so main groups. within this I forgive myself for valuing people, some more and some less.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to value the ‘main group’ as more worthy hence desiring to be included by them, while seen ‘not so main groups’ as less-than and avoiding them. In this I see/realize how insane it is to value one over the other, instead of talking, standing in equality with all.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to value some more than others, in this I forgive me for desiring to be with some people more than others, instead of me just being me, breathing and socializing with others as versions of me. Not more, not less, just versions of me, equal in life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to engage in self-blame, self-talk, backchat within myself when I see folks hanging out in groups, within that I forgive me for backchating that I have been left-out, ignored, isolated, out-casted etc.

When and as I see people hanging out in groups, I stop, I breathe, and STOP believing that they are ignoring me, neglecting me etc, because I see/realize these folks who have a shared common timeline, history, common interest so spending time together, it is NOT personal, not a personal attack or rejection of me.

When and as I see people leaving in groups to social or to have lunch, I stop, I breathe, I remain within my body, not going anywhere, not saying anything, not participating in any spiteful backchat, because I see/realize feeling of rejection is a strong resident program within me.

When and as I see people walking out together in groups, socializing in groups, I stop, I breathe, I remain within my breath/breathing, because I see/realize my tendency to backchat/spitefully is strong, therefore I direct myself to breathe and remain within my body.

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More support here if you’re feeling that rejection feeling.

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