Day 454 – Loneliness

Hunchback-of-Notre-Dame

I was listening to a cool interview by eqafe, well, all interviews by eqafe are pretty cool, it just the other day while I was driving from Toronto to Ottawa, about 5 hour trip, I had ample time to listen to number of interviews. The one on loneliness had some support for me. It says that the mind exist in the structure of dependency, depending on feeling-energy from others, and that’s the primary goal of the mind, to get that energetic charge from others, creating that dependency, hence so-called relationships are great way for the MIND to survive. So a being may just walk into a relationship without really considering all physical-reality factors, ‘blindly led’ by the MIND into a relationship, all to get that feeling-energy, as if there are little cups inside that mind that needs filling up through others, hence the dependency.

And same when you’re in a group setting, that cup of energy/excitement get filled up, giving yourself a great rush/excitement feeling to be in that group, this could be a large family group, or a huge group like a concert/club etc, where you feel super excited and NOT LONELY at all, because the cup is overflowing. Then you return home where you’re all alone by yourself, then what happens, the cup is empty, then you fill it with ‘negative feeling-energy’ stuff like depression etc, very interesting perspective on loneliness, it’s really fear of being ALONE, without anyone filling that energy cup inside the mind. Because you have defined words like excitement to depending on others, special ones, partners etc, therefore what you have is a dependency relationship, not one of sharing of life as equals.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to form feeling-energy dependent relationships with others so that I can feed my mind’s hunger for energy.

I forgive myself for blindly walking into relationships where the MIND made the decision out its need for energy, while I accepted and allowed myself to led by the mind, I Forgive myself for not taking the responsibility to see what is best for all here,  and how we can practically share our lives together, instead I allowed myself to go with the flow, and not seen/realizing the flow was created by the MIND for its own NEED.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not take the responsibility to consider what is practical/physically best for all, instead rush into relationships just to feed my MIND’s hunger for feeling-energy.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see/realize I as the mind, is addicted to the feeling-energy. In this I Forgive me for not seen/realizing that the MIND has only one goal, that is to get ENERGY for its own survival, hence it will form the dependency towards others, for the sake of getting its ENERGY. Therefore I see/realize and understand, a relationship based on feeling-energy-addiction/dependency cannot survive, because it is not based on practical reality based considerations, simply it was a rush job to appease the mind.

I Forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see/realize that my mind exist as cups of energy that needs filling up from others, hence creating the dependency towards others, and when the cups run empty I allowed myself to feel lonely, so I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define and see myself as lonely just because I am not getting energy from a person that I used to get, in this I forgive me for not seen/realizing I am still here breathing and living my life, just that my mind is not getting its dose of energy to fill up its cups.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear the idea of being alone, I forgive myself for fearing being alone, I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to condition myself to believe that there is something wrong with being alone, and I Forgive myself for believing that not being in a relationship as BAD. Not seen/realizing that the MIND thrives on relationships, with those feeling-energy dependencies, so naturally I have been conditioned and designed to be in a relationship to feed the mind. And I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feed the mind with ‘negative feeling-energies’ like depression or sadness. Not seen/realizing either way, I am feeding the MIND, filling its cups of energy.

In this I see/realize all this is happening within my MIND, as the other being is not here with me physically, so all I can do is think/imagine/recall stuff hence attempt to fill those cups with depression as an outflow of regret, not seen/realizing I am simply allowing this to happen, filling the cups with energies, though this time not with positive feeling-energies but with negative feeling-energies.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see/realize I am allowing and accepting the manifestation of loneliness within me, I am the creator of it, because I participate in thoughts/emotions/feelings to fill the energy cups of energy in the mind, instead of breathing and being here as physical.

so when and as I see myself hitting the loneliness mood, I stop, I breathe, in realizing that I am creating this by participating in thoughts/emotions/feelings and thereby  filling up the feeling-energy cup of the mind, so I stop, I breathe and not participate in the game of mining energy for the mind.

when and as I see myself feeling lonely, I see/realize and understand I have the awareness to breathe and NOT participate in the series of thoughts/emotions/feelings that runs a sad movie inside my mind, so I direct myself to STOP and breathe.

when and as I see myself hitting the lonely mood, I stop, I breathe, and forgive myself for participating in such sad story, also I direct myself to write things out, so I can see how I allowed myself to form a feeling-energy relationship in the first place instead of looking at relationships from a physical-reality based life-sharing perspective.

I direct myself to use this ‘silent phase’ in my life to get to know myself, to investigate, to examine myself, to find out how I got here, what did I allow and accept to get myself into the current mess/situation, so that I can correct my decisions and create a new path that is best for all.

Part-2 (more writing the same point….)

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see/realize and understand that loneliness is a series of thoughts/emotions/feelings which I participate in. There is no outside force implanting this onto my mind. I am allowing it, I am accepting it.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see/realize and understand that loneliness is a state where the feeling-energy cup of the mind is running dry, and the dependent relationships are not filling it up anymore as it used to be the case, therefore I see/realize now the cup is being filled up with negative-feeling-energies like depression and sadness, this is nothing but the opposite of the positive-feeling-energy like excitement, thrill, happiness etc.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to seek positive-feeling-energy from others, therefore seek relationships for the sole purpose of filling up this energy cups within my mind.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be a slave to my mind by letting it fill up the cup of energies through dependent relationships.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see/realize when the mind is the leading force in forming relationships the chances are it’s a feeling-energy-dependent relationship for its own survival, therefore the chances of it failing are high. In this I see/realize and understand my responsibility in forming, creating a relationship without feeling-energy dependency as the force.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define excitement as when I am with R and having a good time with her, not seen/realizing in that I am limited and have formed a dependency onto another in relation to excitement. This is like a little container/cup inside my mind, the word excitement, that needs filling up and charging through another human being, hence forming the feeling-energy-dependency.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I can only find excitement through another human being, in that I forgive myself for designing my mind as a program of dependency, and living it out. The creators of the mind implemented the mind program so that humans can be controlled through feeling-energy dependent relationships. Now I see/realize and understand the tendency of my mind, its feeling-energy dependency, the cups it seek fill up through other human beings.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fill the cup of energy with depression and sadness, the polar opposite of excitement and  happiness. In this not seen/realizing and understanding that the mind is getting what it want no matter what.

Sometimes what I found in my relationship with R is, that I am just satisfied with getting that mind-energy dose, without actually doing anything in the physical reality because physical-reality stuff would not necessarily give me that feeling-energy dose. this is a cool indication that how much I have allowed and accepted the mind to lead me into this relationship, it was all about mind getting its feeling-energy crave. In that not practically considering how to establish a working partnership that is best for all, best for both parties and others involved, in that life is shared, enjoyed, while we have our free times and together times, we grow individually and together, not become energy slaves to each others.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be a feeling-energy slave to another human being, in that I am totally at the mercy of another, like a drug addict at the mercy of the drug supplier, constantly fearing, doubting, uncertain as to what could be next, because the whole foundation is build up on ‘needing’, dependency of feeling-energy of the mind.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use and abuse relationships for the sole purpose of getting feeling-energy for the mind.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see/realize and understand that there is a difference between feeling-energy-mind driven relationship vs. what I decide to create in the practical physical reality that is best for all, as a sharing of life and times together so that we can individually and collectively grow, become a team, without forming feeling-energy dependencies.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see/realize and understand that the mind works on drugs, the feeling-energies either as positive or negative, so it is my responsibility to not follow the mind, rather create what is practical and what is best for all with another being without feeling-energy dependencies.

Join us, end your feeling-energy addiction relationships and recreate relationships that are best for all. www.desteni.org

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