Day 455 – More on feeling-energy dependency

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear letting go of feeling-energy addictions.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hold onto feeling-energy dependency relationships.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see/realize and understand that as long as I am dependent on feeling-energy from a dependent-relationship it cannot serve what is best for all, for us, in fact, it will always take me back to the point of feeling-energy dependency just like how a drug addict will experience himself, because the whole play is about wanting/needing/desiring that drug, the feeling-energies for the MIND.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear ending the feeling-energy dependency believing that I will be ALL ALONE without the regular dose of feeling-energies to keep my mind sane, to fill up its cups of energies.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear letting go of feeling-energy dependency relationships because I fear facing myself, I fear just being me without having sources of feeling-energies coming to my mind from others.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear letting go of feeling-energy addictions.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear that my mind might turn into depression, not seen/realizing and understanding the mind will turn into depression like positive feeling-energy becoming negative-feeling-energy and in either case the MIND gets what it wants, FEELING-ENERGY, while I am left as a slave for the mining machine, the mind.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see/realize and understand to accept and allow a feeling-energy-dependency relationship is self-abuse, I keep it on just for the sake of wanting/needing/desiring feeling-energy for the mind.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to  not see/realize and understand, ending this feeling-energy dependency of the mind is a breath by breath process, through which I decide in every breath what is best for all, not just what is best for the mind, not just what feels-good, in that way I direct the ship of feeling-energy dependency relationship into correct course of what is best for all agreement. I mean this is no easy task, first I must end my own addictions, my own fears, my own needing/wanting/desire etc, and then, I will have to direct the partner to see that things have changed, I am no longer willing to say “yes mam” for everything and anything just to get my dose of energy like I have been in the past. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to say “yes mam” for everything and anything not to rock the boat so that I can get what I want, which is feeling-energy. Just to get that mind feeling-energy I will say whatever it takes without considering a solution that is best for all, that is mutually beneficial for all. I mean it would mount to self-abuse just to say “yes mam” for anything and everything so that I can get my mind’s desires fulfilled.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see/realize and understand considering all from an equal and one perspective, that we all stem from the same life-substance,  I have a responsibility to direct the ship into what is best for all, without compromising myself, without securing my feeling-energy needs first, because in what-best-for-all there is no room for abuse of feeling-energy from others.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see/realize and understand all of us stem from the same life-substance/life-source, therefore what I do to another, I in fact do unto myself. And what I do unto myself I do unto another. therefore in relationships neither self-abuse nor abuse of another is acceptable. holding onto relationships for the sake of wanting/needing/desiring feeling-energy is abuse, is self-abuse.

when and as I see myself giving into securing my feeling-energy needs, I stop, I breathe in realizing that holding onto feeling-energy dependencies is self-abuse and abuse of another.

when and as I see myself bowing down with “yes mam” like attitude, I stop, I breathe, in that I see/realize my starting point is only to secure my feeling-energy addictions NOT what is best for all, so I breathe and I stop, instead I direct the ship to consider what is best for all, so that we may all agree to work things out, not just submit to our minds.

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