Day 462: Self-Forgiveness on morning wake up.

I Forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to as a child experience hatred and dislike for having to wake up at 5am on school days.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to as a child experience intense reluctance and resistance when having to wake up at 5am on school days.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to as a child feel like the world was ending at 5am, it felt like death when having to wake up at 5am.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to as a child condition myself to believe that I would never ever deny myself a good long sleep, that I would never be a morning person. In way telling my awareness or conditioning my awareness to ‘never be a morning’ person, always make sure to sleep in, or else experience physical tiredness and resistance.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel tired when I get up late in the mornings.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to see me as not a morning person.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe it is hard for me to start my day early in the morning.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that getting up early is hard for me, not seen/realizing this comes from my childhood experiences where I hated getting up at 5am.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to stay up late at nights as if I want to stay up and up and not retire to bed, not seen/realizing this is a reason why I cannot get up early, because I am up so late. Common sense.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to stay up too late at nights, as if I am avoiding sleep, so that I can sleep in through the morning instead of rising up early and bright.

I Forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to see myself as a night hawk meaning one who wonders at night and resist sleeping, in that I see/realize my real aim is to not getup in the mornings as if I am unable to face myself in the mornings.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to see myself as someone who is very tired in the mornings, and therefore justify late nights and late mornings, instead of reversing the cycle to early to bed and early to rise up.

I commit myself to take note on this, because this is a point I have battled for a very long time, I always knew the day would come where I must rise up early, meaning sometime before 7am, or at least by 7, not an iota later than that, so the time has arrived, am I going to put off more?

I commit myself to retire to bed early as a step for me to rise up early, because I see/realize once I stay up late and late, I will inevitably use the excuse to stay in bed late. SO I am very aware of this point, so I direct myself to act on this every day, not some days but everyday, so that I will reverse the cycle, early to bed, early to rise. Because now I do my writings in the mornings, so I need a lot more time to write before I goto work. As I have found night time writing is not that great for me.

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