Day 466: birthday blues

cakeI forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to look for wishes and attention today.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe this is a very special day I must get all the attention and well-wishes today. Today is all about me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hope and expect all and everyone I ever knew on this earth to call me up today and wish me a happy birthday.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hope those non-existence relatives and non-existence friends to ring me up today and wish me a happy birthday, because today is all about me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe today is all about me, so everyone should stop their lives and just focus on ME, on my birthday.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe people dont’ like me. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that my friends and so-called family don’t like me, and that’s why they don’t bother its my birthday or not.

I forgive myself that I have  accepted and allowed myself to access old childhood memories of this day and torture myself. in this I forgive myself for walking through the memories instead of BEING HERE, breathing supporting myself as LIFE.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that everyone is against me and everyone doesn’t like me, I mean that’s why its a big struggle for me on this day.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to live in hope and expectations instead of just breathing and being here as breath/life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to access bitterness within myself instead of breathing and remaining here.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to access anger within myself instead of breathing and remaining here.

I Forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to access sadness within me instead of breathing here.

I Forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to access self-pity within myself, and feel all down/messed up about myself, instead breathing and remaining here as breath, as life, as physical.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel bad instead of just breathing and remaining here as breath/as life/as physical.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be angry with so-called people in my life because I perceive them as ‘have ignored me’ on my birthday, not considering their situations today, 100s of things might occupy their minds.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel depressed and sad and isolated on my birthday thinking and believing that nobody loves me or likes me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have childhood memories where it was a battle to have a birthday party as my mother would pretend like this day doesn’t exist.  within that I forgive myself for believing that this day is special for getting neglected, I breathe, I remain here. I realize I am looking at reality through the lenses of my mind-energy possession which has taken the better half of me all day.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel sad within myself, instead of breathing and remaining here as breath/life/physical here.

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