Day 480: Breathe and let go. Don’t appease the energy cravings.

Addicted to FEELINGS.I am responsible for myself, for what I am allowing, for my tendencies to blame others, I mean I am blaming another for how I feel within myself, meanwhile it is me who created the whole situation. As long as I look for reasons to blame, I/we will be stuck in the finger-pointing game and never arrive at a solution.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use and abuse relationships just to get an energy-buzz.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use and abuse relationships just to get what I want and then disappear from the scene into my own space.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to trick others into believing and trusting me so that they will form the perception that I am committed and serious while clearly that’s not the case, as I am only looking for some energy buzz to make it through the momentary loneliness and after that I could careless about the relationship.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to promise the skies just to get that momentary energy buzz for myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to promise anything just to get that desire for another fulfilled without ever considering the long-term consequences and responsibilities that comes with relationships.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use and abuse relationships just to get that energy buzz, not seen/realizing entering into a relationship is an absolute statement of responsibility, to support/assist another as myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to enter into relationships out of mere desire and NOT with practical reality considerations.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to compromise myself just to get that energy-buzz to appease my desire/hunger/addiction/need for a moment like a hungry vampire thirsting for blood.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to disregard and dismiss the relationship once the energy-buzz reaches a saturation point.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to totally compromise myself just to get that energy-buzz.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to flip and disappear from the scene the moment the energy-buzz/addiction reach a saturating point. in this I Forgive myself for using and abusing another just like a slave to feed me with energy till I am done/satisfied, and then I discard them like used stuff.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear commitments.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear feeling-less, emotionless, energy-less, practical reality based unions that are best for both parties because I have defined them as boring.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to please another so that they remain in my world giving me that energy-buzz. in this I forgive myself to fear rocking the boat, because I fear not knowing what may happen.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to fear speaking directly in common sense with another within that fear that they no longer provide me with that energy-buzz.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see/realize as long as the so-called energy-buzz remain as the main force of movement within the relationship, all of us will be its victims because no-one is really directing the union, except the energy-ball/buzz. It’s always a push and pull game depending on the energy supply, either I will crave for it or run away from it having reached a saturating point.

when and as I see myself serving the energy-god within myself doing anything and everything to appease this energy-god, I stop, I breathe. I direct myself to slowdown and breathe and do what is practical instead of doing things to appease the boiling energy movements within me. I see/realize and understand there is nothing I can ultimately do to appease this energy-crave inside me, its like drug addict always craving for more and more, so the only way to contain is to breathe and let go of the crave, feeding is NOT the solution, so I direct myself breathe and slow down.

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