Day 492: reWARds

jesusI forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to seek rewards in everything as if the only thing motivates me is rewards, which is capitalism.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to condition myself to do things because of rewards.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate in the education system from childhood because of rewards.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to learn to earn, which is a reward.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to pray and worship in the hope of a reward, a better life, a better job.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be religious in search of rewards, even the reward of going to heaven.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have friends and relatives with the aim of getting possible rewards when I needed them.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to ‘love’ in the hope of a reward.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to enter into long term relationships in the hope of rewards instead of practically aligning our lives together for greater prosperity and fun of sharing lives. It’s all about what’s in it for me! Formulating on a reward-base principle instead of what is best for all.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to do ‘work-tasks’ for a reward instead of actually doing them to get things done for the best of all in the team.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hang out with certain people in the hope of getting rewards at some point, instead of simply sharing/communicating together here.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see/realize everything I do is done out of a reward in mind, as if I am a walking-talking-living zombie of capitalism.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to plan events in such way that there is always some reward in store for me, even a simple thing like a possible free lunch out of it.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to attend events because I may get a free lunch, in that showing the inner workings of my mind, always looking for a deal, for a reward.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to goto restaurants and hope others will pay the bill for me, as if they should be paying for my time and social, not seeing/realizing it’s all about seeking rewards.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to seek rewards in the form of attention from others.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to seek reactions,  responses, not seeing/realizing I am looking for a reward, even if it feels bad.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to go on a special diet in search of rewards instead of considering what is common sense and what is best for the body.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to pray to a non-existing GOD for rewards in this life and in the afterlife.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be spiritual in search of rewards.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to do mediation in search for rewards which is apparently the great enlightenment.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to chant and sing kirtan in the hopes of great rewards, not seeing/realizing the war of capitalism continues even within the realm of devotion, or bhakti-yoga.

when and as I see that I am approaching things with an attitude of ‘seeking a reward for me’, I stop, I breathe, because I see/realize seeking a reward is WAR, its capitalism, therefore I stop, I breathe, and I direct myself to ask the question “what is best for all in this situation here” and then accordingly consider that. Because looking for reWards inevitably leads to War.

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