I had a ‘mind-fall’ this weekend. The kind of nasty fall where I let the mind’s craving for energy dictate me. Justified in always to get what I want, to feel good. I felt insane afterwards, I mean simply breathing could have saved the day, but no, I believed I must go for it. Not to self-judge but I think it’s time I look at these energy cravings really closely before I jeopardize my process, meaning creating unnecessary time-loops and having to walk the same points again and again in heavier doses. Why repeat the same shit again and again when you can face them once and deal with them for good. It’s very simple and very difficult at the same time. I mean I could have simply said ‘NO’ and walked away, but I gave in. so here I am, no point in wallowing or hollowing in it, but certainly any repetition of it is unacceptable. There comes a time in the process where one’s standing must be solid, a fall is no more acceptable. Again, no self-judgment, time to decide and forgive myself and correct myself.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself for ‘falling’.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see/realize that simply forgiving myself for falling is not enough, I must direct myself to correct this point, and not allow another fall in few months’ time, where I will forget about today’s resolution.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see/realize in every action, in every moment, I must ask the question ‘what is best for all’. In this ‘all’, there are no exceptions, some beings are not excluded, even the so-called ‘demons’ are included. I mean to exclude the demonic ones mean I have to create a special group that I am happy with, like a clique, very much like a class, an elitist thing, while those I dislike, demons, are excluded or abused. I mean that’s the thing about what is best for all, as life is all. I must do as I would like to be done unto me. As the essence of all beings is THAT, life, life-substance.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see/realize when I mind-fall, I am allowing self-abuse and abuse of others, in that, I am abusing life. So this is tough shit, as abuse of life is not acceptable. Self-abuse is not acceptable, life-abuse is not acceptable. By allowing mind-falls, I allow abuse.
In this, I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to manipulate and abuse self-forgiveness by looking at self-forgiveness as a form of ‘excuse of allowance’ so to do the same shit again and again. Obviously this is not acceptable, can’t allow myself to mind-fall by saying “oh I can always forgive myself later, so all is fine”. All will be not fine, I must face the abuse I allow. I mean common sense, can’t get away with abuse, even self-abuse.
So I breathe, relax, rest, time to get serious about my process, I mean, this one life to live, what the fuck am I waiting for? Time to live the changes, time to really dig in, no more wishy-washy mind-falls, but committed, firm, solid, dedicated standing to what is best for all. I have fed the mind enough. I better stop my mind before it stops me.
I commit myself to realize that either I stop my MIND or the mind will stop me, sooner or later.
I commit myself to realize mind-falls are unacceptable, because it is self-abuse, and abuse of life.
I commit myself to realize that I need to get serious about my process, as this is not some self-help, or feel-good spiritual exercise for mind-pleasures.
I commit myself to realize that even a little mind-fall is so thunderous because it can compound and become heavily consequential. There is no such thing as “let’s forget about it”, you can’t just forget about things, they will come to hunt, so I investigate, forgive, realize and then, let it go.
I commit myself to realize that I am life, the essence of me is life, my force is life-force, my voice is the voice of life, and therefore self-abuse is not acceptable. By allowing self-abuse I am abusing of life.
I commit myself to stop self-abuse by stop participating in mind-energy cravings and thereby stopping mind-falls created by energy cravings just to ‘feel good’.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to abuse myself and others and thereby abuse life.
I forgive myself for believing ‘its ok, just one time only’, not seeing/realizing even one-time abuse of life is not acceptable.
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