day 508: anticipation

writeAnticipation is trouble. I mean I am already expecting some ‘tough times’ this week. Tomorrow being Monday, and I am expecting some unexpected issues. This is kind of madness. I mean its like expecting the worse case already, because I don’t know for certain how things are going to be, as all I am doing is anticipating in fear, nothing more. This is how we create the same cycle of past abuse. Repeating the same by living in the past memories.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to anticipate some tough times this week ahead.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to already project something bad happening this week all based on my past memories.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to expect the worse instead of being here as a living/breathing physical being and participating in the moments, I am allowing fear based anticipation.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to already anticipate fear and fear based possible future play-outs based on my past memories.

I mean where is the freedom in this? Where is the salvation in this, if I am totally stuck in the past memories. Within this I see/realize the solution is simply NOT to participate in the mind projections, NOT to go into the mind’s thoughts/emotions and feelings, because all that will do is charge up the THOUGHTS in my mind.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see/realize by charging up the THOUGHTS about this week ahead I am already setting up for the worse case scenario instead of facing them head on breath by breath.

Expectations and anticipation creates some anxiety already, this is not self-supporting, recalling the past is not self-supporting. So I direct myself to NOT participate in anticipation about this week, I simply move/face/direct moment by moment, breath by breath. Looking at the worse case scenario is not self-supportive at all. I mean why do I have to torture myself within this mind-created future anxieties? Instead I simply go/attend/face do what is required to do, and move myself through the process. I mean my life is my process, everyone I meet, all the situations are my process, and I cannot hide from it, so I direct myself to face and participate without creating any anticipation. Yes I can prepare for this week, but not prepare from the starting point of fear of anything or anyone, not from the starting point of past memories, simply common sense preparations for things to come this week knowing that some new things will have to be faced, that’s all, nothing to compound with by injecting anticipation and past memories.

Common sense can a long way. 

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