day 511: taking stuff personally.

voiceAnyways, its time to write. Missed 2 days, and was about to give up today as well. I know this is a recurring pattern now, often missing 2-3 days and slowly but surely getting used to it. I mean commitments don’t work like that, unless of course if there is a practical excuse. As for me, I got carried away with some mental stuff and couldn’t focus and dedicate myself to write last two days. I tell myself I write tomorrow, and I know, tomorrow will never come, as the mind will come up with something. For the mind, tomorrow is a fascinating place like heaven, but unfortunately the real reality is here in this moment of breath. So I either do it now, or forever procrastinate. And soon it will be time to say goodbye to this one life of mine. I mean, I am not being a pessimist, more like a realist, I got just one life to live so how much can I procrastinate before my time ‘expires’.

Had a very difficult day today on number of fronts, from the moment I woke up, it was like I had perfectly setup for one thing or another, mostly taking shit personally and whatnot. I mean why do I live this life if I cannot see the madness of human minds, including mine. Just like my mind other minds are too totally fucked up, and so they will say/do nasty shit to each other. Taking shit personally is not helping anyone.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to take shit personally, not see/realize and understand when I take shit personally I give life-force to their shit. Within this I forgive myself for not seeing/realize when and as I give life-force to mental-shit from others they become real and powerful, and I am its creator. So I stop giving life-force to mental shit from others. Likewise, I stop taking my own shit personally, I realize my mind can throw a whole lot of shit at me, so much shit from the past and future it can throw at me, so I am responsible for NOT TAKING THEM PERSONALLY. I mean, I am not doing to die from it, it just my mind fucking with me. All minds are alike, mine or yours, they are good at fucking with us. So it is my responsibility to NOT take anyone’s shit personally. Oh man. Yet that’s all I did today, take shit personally, mine and theirs. Within this I forgive myself for being hard on myself. I would rather have a hard on than be hard on myself because being hard on myself is self-torture, just torturing my physical body. Having a hard on is a different story/blog. Anyways. That’s the kind of day its being. Life is here, live in the present. Not take any shit personally. Yet direct the shit into resolutions, into what is best for all. I mean, should I continue to take shit personally then I would have to take a lot of shit personally because this world is full of shit right now with all that’s going on.  I cannot be part of any solution if take things personally. SO I breathe and support myself to be stable, calm, and relax, so I can see the stuff and direct them.

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