day 512: Do you love Conflicts?

terrorI forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see/realize that I in fact like conflicts.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see/realize I don’t stir heated conversations to avoid conflicts, instead do everything possible to get into conflicts, as if there is an intrinsic likeness for conflicts.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see/realize conflicts only feed the mind at the expense of the body, it feels good for a moment.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see/realize the human mind loves conflicts, it thrives on it.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see/realize reacting to the conflict-ridden voice tone of another is accepting their conflict and participating in conflict, in that I become equally responsible for the conflict no matter who started it first.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see/realize I must be the one who must NOT participate in conflicts even though the other may have started it all. A conflict can only continue to exists if all parties participate in it.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see/realize reacting to conflicts is accepting the continuation of conflicts, therefore I am responsible for the conflict. It’s like a ping-pong game, the game only exist if both parties hit the ball, the moment one doesn’t’ react, the game is effectively over, till another moment arise.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate in conflicts.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear conflicts.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see/realize my voice tonality is a big player in creating conflicts. Voice tonality can carry loads of emotions.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see/realize there is a difference between fearing conflicts and actually avoiding conflicts. Fearing conflicts is a form of people pleaser, at any cost looking to appease others, whereas avoiding conflicts is like seeing/realizing the mind game at work, and making the decision to not participate in the ping-pong game which lead to conflicts. Yes standing one’s ground can create conflicts, even here conflicts as emotional boxing matches can be avoided with stable voice tonality.

When and as I see myself participating in conflicts, I stop, I breathe. I see/realize and understand, the mind LOVES a good fight, conflicts are bread and butter for the mind. In this I see/realize reacting to another’s invitation to conflict is me accepting conflicts, and allowing conflicts. I see this is like a ping-pong game, my participation helps to keep the game of conflicts going. Conflicts feed our minds.

When and as I see myself fearing to speak up, or fearing to stand my ground because of the potential conflict it may create, I stop, I breathe, I see/realize and understand that in this case, my fear of conflicts leads me to suppression. Instead I direct myself to look at the point clearly in what is best for all, and communicate effectively, even though it may bring about conflicts with others.

I mean should I just live in suppression like a ‘yes sir’ type? NO. Or should I just look for conflicts within every word spoken by another? Both are equally mad, again voice tonality is a cool indicator if I am in mind-conflict or a realistic conflict. I direct myself to speak from a stable voice. I direct myself to observe my voice, voice-tonality, as I speak in heated moments. Because I see that voice tonality in itself can compound/create conflicts from nowhere.

This is a great point of self-responsibility, directing/stirring conversations to avoid conflicts and at the same time NOT fearing to speak-up/communicate/state a point because it’s potential for conflicts. I breathe.

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