I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see/realize, not breathing with awareness is the reason for mind dominance. So when and as I see myself living in the mind, I commit myself to snap out of it and be here, breathe. I mean it’s a simple choice, do I want to BE in the MIND all the time, or in the body? Being in the mind seems very comfortable, constantly thinking some shit, not seeing/realizing how much the body is compromised by that. When and as I see myself stuck in the mind, I remind myself that this is not living, I am being a slave, an energy-slave for the mind, so I direct myself to breathe and be in the physical (as breath is physical). Not being in the body gives permission to the mind to rule life.
I am my mind however. But I am also life which is seed-size at the moment, that’s why my association with my mind seems so naturally comfortable as if there is no way in hell I going to ignore my mind’s orders. My mind is my trusted friend. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to separate myself from my mind, not seeing/realizing I am my mind, there is no separate evil entity called the mind, I am it. Within this I see/realize I also have the power to STOP the direction of my mind and consider what is best for all.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to value people based on how they fit into my desires. If they make me feel good, and I get some of my desires fulfilled even slightly then I value those people more.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to value only those who give me attention, and others I could care less because those who give me attention sort of fulfill my desire to be noticed, recognized etc
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to live only to fulfill my desires. Always looking how can I get some juice for my desires.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to avoid people who don’t give me attention.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be irritated by some people who give me attention but whose attention I despise because they don’t’ in anyway whatsoever fulfill my desires. Its like I hate their attention, I can’t stand it when they talk to me or greet me, its like I want to scream at them “get away from my sight”.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to value some more than others.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to like some more than others.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see/realize ‘like/dislike’ are signs of consciousness/energy at play. This also indicates that I am not stable, constant as me here no matter what or who I am with, I adapt/adjust depending on others, I feel good or I feel bad, I am happy, or unhappy, I am excited, or repulsed, depending on who I am with. This is clearly energy at play, mind play, not considering the equality of life at all. Also this shows that I am always looking for a buzz, a happy buzz usually, when that is not forthcoming, I switch to an angry buzz. Are you going to make me happy, then cool, otherwise fuck off is my attitude.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see/realize everyone here is LIFE, a spark of life, so me experiencing myself differently with others indicate that I am still stuck in the mind/energy/consciousness. I see/realize I must simply breathe and remain here as physical no matter who I am with. No reactions whatsoever.
Walking into a room full of people, it is clear, how I respond, depending on who is there or not. I mean there is no equality in this at all, only MIND/ENERGY at play. ‘Liking’ because I like the energy buzz, ‘disliking’ because I don’t’ get any energy from this person. “Give me energy” like a vampire always in the hunt for some blood/energy.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see/realize when I don’t’ get my energy buzz I have allowed myself to become evil towards them, I can just bulldoze them out of my way.
The root problem is desire for energy. Be it with women or men, if I am getting some energy buzz then I like them, no buzz, then I despise them. This is not the way to live in equality.
When and as I see myself experiencing energy buzz within myself as in “Liking” or “Disliking” others, I STOP, I breathe. I direct myself to see/realize and understand, “liking” and “disliking” are feeding the mind and abusing my body because to like and dislike emotional energy is needed, which is mined from the physical body. Therefore I direct myself to breathe and stabilize myself within the physical breathe/breathing, I see/realize participating in my energy buzz addiction is endless, as mind can never be satisfied with energy drinks, it will keep on asking for energy till the body drops dead.
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