Lately, I have seen that I am getting a bit lost in the noise, at times allowing/participating in the noise bit too much. Even listening to music, those addictive music of my teen years, is just noise, lack of silence, wanting to keep myself entertained, occupied. So easy to get lost in the mind/head. I read in the news today (sri-lankan), that a former comedian/singer had passed away, she was a major feature in many comedy shows back in the 80s, I recall enjoying her songs/music and humor. And today she is gone, can’t say a wasted life, but certainly a life lived in noise, entertainment, etc, which is exactly what I am kind of doing too, getting myself lost in the noise. Memories, songs, past pictures, can easily allure the mind into entertainment. Whereas silence, the kind that goes with just breathing is awesome.
I forgive myself for fearing silence of the mind. I forgive myself for fearing to be here as silence, as silence of the breath. I forgive myself for fearing to be here, I forgive myself for fearing to be here as breath, I forgive myself for desiring to keep my mind filled with noise as in listening to addictive music way too often.
I forgive myself for not seeing/realizing I am boarding to become a music addict, listening as if I am getting high on it. Stuck in the noise, stuck in the entertainment. Fearing self-silence. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see/realize I am the one who decides, there is no other. I decide the direction of my life, is it going to be filled with the noise of music and entertainment, to keep me busy in my mind, occupied etc. Or am I going to LIVE, be here, alive, breathing, writing, living, self-expanding, participating in changing this world. Or am I going to just waste away my life in mundane entertainment till my time runs out.
I forgive myself for not seeing/realizing, there comes a point where listening to music can become an addiction, in that wasting my time and keep me stuck in entertainment, instead of developing myself into a force for change and a voice for change. I mean, how easy it is to waste away life in entertainment.
When and as I see myself to listening to music instead of doing my computer work, I stop, I breathe. When and as I see myself listening to music instead of participating in my process responsibilities, I stop, I breathe. When and as I see myself to listening to music instead of doing the studies/reading that I should be doing, I stop, I breathe. Because I see/realize listening to the addictive old tunes is a total waste of time, I mean that time I can dedicate/commit/direct to do so many other things, reading/writing/building vocab, vlogging etc.
Obviously now not saying to ignore music, as listening to tunes is so cool, bit of entertainment is cool, but the question is when does it become a waste of time? When does entertainment become an addiction. I mean, it’s so easy to waste life in that shit call entertainment.
Self-silence is cool, because it brings me HERE, grounds me. Anyways, RIP Mercy Edirisinghe, cool comedy those days, interesting songs, music etc. Now that you’re on the other side, perhaps will get to hear some real music, the music of what the fuck is going on in this physical reality. I mean we must face, see/realize our own creations after all. Not that I have any advice for the departed souls, that would be very uncool of me, but I hear you must face yourself at some point. Who knows may be Mercy Edirisinghe will come through the portal and share some of her humorous views.
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