day 534: good deal

agentI forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to get frustrated when others approach things from the perspective of ‘deal making’. Not seeing/realizing by and large, I do things from the perspective of deal-making too, always looking out for my best deal regardless of how it affect others.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create fucked up situations with people by starting out with ‘deal making’ attitude, what’s in it for me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear seeking deals that are best for all, within that fearing that I am missing out on something.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear what is best for all.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see/realize what is best for all is the best deal for all. We all win.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear deal-makers believing that I might get ripped off by them.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear when others speak of ‘good deals’ within that fearing that I am missing out on life, because I am missing out on ‘good deals’.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to get angry with people who get ‘good deals’ on things, within that I forgive myself for judging myself as someone who never gets ‘good deals’ but only bad deals.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that my life is a bad deal, that I got a bad deal from life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I am lacking in my life and then blame life for giving me a ‘bad deal’. I forgive myself for believing that its life’s fault which gave me a ‘bad deal’.

I forgive myself for believing it’s my fate to receive ‘bad deals’.

I forgive myself for holding onto the pictures where my dad often said he got ‘bad deals’ from everyone and that everyone else got good deals while he only got bad deals. In this I forgive myself for copying that energy imprint within me, and believe just like my dad, that I got a bad deal from life, and “its not fair”. I forgive myself for like a cry baby, saying “its not fair”. Not seeing/realizing I am breathing here, which is the greatest of gifts, the greatest of good deals, that I am alive, here, breathing, equal and one as life.

I forgive myself for holding onto the pictures of my dad saying “i never get good deals” as if he is whining and mourning about it, which I have copied and imprinted within myself, now saying the same thing, “I didn’t get a good deal”. I forgive myself for believing that my life is not a ‘good deal’ for me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be in self-pity, sad, and unhappy about stuff, believing that I didn’t get a good deal. Within this I forgive myself for blaming others for believing that they are the cause of my ‘bad deals’.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to whine and mourn just like my dad and blame others believing that I didn’t’ get a good deal.

I forgive myself for blaming others thinking that they got a good deal but not me.

I forgive myself for not seeing/realizing deal makers are capitalists always looking for the best cut, even at the cost of everyone else. Life is suffering, but I am all happy because I am getting a good deal, and that’s all it matters. This abuse must stop within myself for it to stop within this world. When and as I see myself looking for a ‘good deal’, I stop, I breathe, and I direct myself to investigate a deal that is best for all. 

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