day 539: taking stuff personally.

gossipwhen and as I see myself taking people’s words/actions so personally, I stop I breathe.

When and as I see myself seeing people’s actions as willfully directed towards me, I stop, I breathe, I direct myself to see/realize that people are MINDS first and foremost, it is the machine, the mind, the ego that is running the show, sort of revenge of ego, always looking to ‘win at any cost’, that is the ego, within this I stop taking things personally, I stop looking to in-turn take revenge on them, an eye for an eye, I see/realize me responding to their minds, their egos only confirms my own MIND and my own EGO.

So the question is: do I stand as an EGO or do I stand as LIFE? Meaning do I stand as an eye-for-an-eye ego, or show them that there is another possibility, I do so first of all by NOT taking them personally, NOT giving their MIND’S words/actions any concern, at the same time avoid being in harm’s way, I am not stupid to stand on ego’s way and get myself physically hurt, here I am talking about so-called mental/emotional abuse one may cause another, as in by taking things personally those stuff one says/does, obviously this can be stopped, I have the power, the will NOT to take things personally.

When and as I see myself taking my father so personally, I stop, I breathe, when and as I see myself taking his words and actions that were directed at my granny so personally, I stop, I breathe. When and as I see me judging dada as NOT respecting my granny, I stop, I breathe, because it is clear, I am in-turn not respecting my father for this or that, so essentially doing the exact same thing what he does which I so despise. In this I see how the ego is maintained no matter what, ego survives in him and in me, for various and opposing reasons, I mean that’s fascinating. His ego survives because he is apparently nasty and mean to my granny, and my ego survives because I am apparently attacking an abuser who is abusing my granny, in all of this, the master, the GOD is the EGO, so it is very clear to me as I write this, that EGO is not personal, yes it exist as me in me, as him in my father, nevertheless it’s not personal, meaning, it’s ONLY a MACHINE, the EGO has one objective that is its own survival. And the reasons of how and why the ego survives is not a concern, as long as ego survives it wins. And I allowed it.

So do I see that EGO is at work? Do I see the life-potential that exist in them, in me? Within this I see/realize and understand by taking things personally I am validating the MASTER, the EGO, the MACHINE, and obviously making things worse. Only an abuser will abuse, and who is this abuser? It is the mind, the ego that exist in us all, but there exist another potential within us all, that is the life-potential, the essence, the source of us all, which simultaneously exist alongside the ego, yet this ego is in full control. So I direct myself to recognize the life-potential in us all, including myself, I do so by NOT taking things personally, I see/realize by taking this personally I am allowing and feeding the existences of the ego, so I breathe and not take part in the games of the ego. I breathe, I do not allow my mind to take over and compound their egos, or my ego, I remain here as breath/breathing. I ground myself onto the Earth, I absorb it, I ground it to the earth, sort of grounding the ego itself to the earth.

Ultimately I see this ego is mere energy which must be grounded by breathing. I see/realize first and foremost, all reactions within me must be stopped, I mean, there is no way another is going to ever listen to what I have to say, if I am loaded with emotions/emotional energy etc. I must stand as ground, as breath, not allowing my own mind/ego to get activated by another’s ego-based actions/words, because then it becomes a dance of the ego, as they say, it takes two to tango. By reacting, I am entering the dance of tango, to the music of ego. Not reacting doesn’t mean not caring, quiet the opposite actually, by not reacting, I am not feeding their egos, not demonizing them, not brutalize them, not punishing them, simply ending the ping-pong game, then common sense could arise to the situation.

Ultimately, not taking things personally really is about recognizing the life-essence that exist in us all. The potential for rebirth as life through the physical. Nobody is really evil enough to be denied life. I mean even the demons in demonic existences were not apparently evil enough to be denied life, their life-essence/potential was recognized hence paved the way for their rebirth as life. This is a remarkable story of the demons and how they birth themselves as life. Naturally then, what is my life-potential? What is the life-potential of everyone else? Do I stand to recognize that life-potential? Or do I stand to condemn everyone (and me) as egos? I see/realize all this greatness start with the smallest of acts, NOT taking SHIT personally, yet directing and guiding to birth what is best for all. Also I direct myself to forgive myself when and as I see myself that I am still reacting, still taking SHIT personally, I will forgive myself and write a script on how to stop myself from it. Obviously this will take time, as for decades and decades I have been taking SHIT personally, I mean, every little fucking thing bothered me, every little word, every little gesture, action, BOTHERS me, I am upset by it, I am hurt by it, I mean, its endless what I have put myself thru, it is insane, specially regarding my father, I mean everything he said or did bother me, I mean I cannot stand him, so a LOT of corrections ahead.

But the correctional-switch is so tinny, it is the realization, that his ego is at work, trying super hard to ‘get at me’ sort to speak. And the more I reacted, the more shit stuff he did, it was endless. I see/realize you cannot defeat the ego, you cannot crush it to death, but you can certainly defuse it by not reacting, by breathing here. As I defuse my own ego, I stand the chance to assist another to defuse their egos, I do so by not reacting, not taking their SHIT personally. I see/realize nothing must move within me, no energy movements whatsoever, until such point yes I am taking SHIT personally however tiny it is, I am still allowing it, hence validating and keeping up with the dance of the ego. Even the tiniest reactionary movement within me indicates that I am taking their SHIT personally.

Slowly but surely, step by step, breath by breath, point by point, I direct myself to forgive myself, correct my life and live my correctional script in the physical, until such point where NOTHING whatsoever moves within me. I breathe.       

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