The game is over, ‘we’ won the 2014 World cup cricket in T20 format, so now what? Nothing much really, just like masturbation, a quick thrill, that’s about it, a feeling of ‘feels good’ for a very short time. All the problems still remain.
While watching the game I notice how tense I was at times, specially when ‘my team’ was under pressure, I could see I was breathing pretty tense/heavy. Tension, fear of loss, fear of losing. Later I felt very tired, well naturally, so much emotional swings during the game, its torture for the body, as emotions/feelings are produced by mining the body, eating away the body, hence tiredness.
Attachment to ‘my team’ is still very strong, I suppose that comes from the feelings of homeland/motherland. But here is a very strange weird thing, this is the same motherland that persecuted ethnic Tamil minorities like me and so why on earth do I still cheer for this team/motherland, are they not my former enemies? I fail to see why I still have ‘feelings’ for this national team. It is said, during the peak of the war back in the mid 90’s even the LTTE chief was cheering for the Sri-Lankan cricket team during the world cup finals in 1996, though he was fighting for a separate state within Sir-Lanka. I suppose having being born in the island, he had developed feelings for the ‘motherland’ which he couldn’t have developed for any other country. Strange how these feelings can be so messed up and illogical.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to develop ‘feelings’ for the land I was born into, and call it ‘motherland’. In this I fail to see that I was born into mother-earth, hence I should have feelings for the whole earth and support all countries equally, but I don’t.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to as a child develop feelings for the motherland through things like national anthem and flag waving and supporting the national cricket team.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to develop a sense of affinity for the land of my birth, yet not consider the planet of my birth anyway whatsoever.
Today I see in facebook many Sri-Lankans are celebrating the world cup victory, in that you can see a sense of overflowing national pride, a sense of dominance, arrogance, and this could easily turn into aggression towards minorities in the island. Very similar to saying “hey, we are the heroes, we won the cup, now lets kick some minority asses in the Island, let’s make them bleed”. A sense of superiority can easily lead one to aggression against others in this case minorities. A sense of war mentality one develops following victory in international sports. That’s the danger of mixing nationalism and sports, kind of hooliganism. Minorities in Sir-Lanka should be careful for next few days, who knows, the crowning of the world cup might over-drug some into physical aggression, usually against minorities, just for the fun of it. These are very subtle mind stuff, one has to be very self-honest within self to observe these things, and then let those feelings go.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have a war mentality within myself when it comes to sports. Its like I am at war.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be at war with others and other nations because I apparently believe that I am from this ‘motherland’ so I must have feelings for this particular ‘motherland’ against other lands, not seeing/realizing the whole planet is my motherland, my mother-earth.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to support and cheer ‘my team’ since I was a child, within that I forgive myself for developing a ‘feeling’ for the ‘motherland’. The land where I was persecuted just for being a Tamil minority. But that’s a secondary point in this blog, meaning, being Tamil or not is not the point here, why develop feelings for any motherland is the point. I mean I could have being born anywhere, I could have being born in Nepal, or Chennai, or Deradhun, or Mexico, I mean anywhere. I didn’t chose the land of my birth, yet have these strange ‘feelings’ for motherland which is actually a cause of war in this world.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have feelings for the country I was born and this is very indicative during cricket matches.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to embody nationalism and love for the country within me as a child through things like singing the national anthem or through other forms of indoctrination. In this I never asked the question, why have feelings for the land of your birth, when you are in fact a citizen of this whole planet? Why cheer for one nation, when humanity consists of many nations?
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel physical tension within myself during the world cup final game, when ‘my team’ was under pressure. Within this I forgive myself for breathing heavily as if I am all tensed up.
Even this so-called love for my motherland is not unlimited, for example I have no love for the Sri-Lankan military or for the government, I suppose it has everything to do with the war we had for 3 decades. I simply don’t have ‘feelings for the SL army’, I could never cheer their on field victories during the war. But when it comes to cricket, we all belong to the same happy camp. Strange isn’t it. Some quarters may see me as a traitor for not supporting the army and therefore question my love for the national cricket team. I know I wont be able explain it either. Lets blame it on ‘brainwashing’. I was conditioned and brainwashed like that. Being a Tamil, and the things that we went through, I could never develop feelings for the army, I mean feelings of love, lol. Even as a child I never had any affinity for the government or for the army. I suppose from my parents I picked that up, those entities are our persecutors. I suppose this is why the LTTE chief was cheering for the Sri-Lankan cricket team from his bunkers while battling the Sri-Lankan government on the other hand.
All this clearly indicates how brainwashed we are. What is our true identity? An identity that is beyond race, ethnicity, language, color, country etc. there must be something that is common to us all? Through desteni, I found this thing called “Life” is what bind us all. The one family of life. This is not an easy discovery, nor it is an idea, nor a belief like finding Jesus, after walking the desteni process of self-forgiveness for sometime now, I can see for myself, I belong to the family of life. It’s common sense. So I am equal and one to my former ‘enemies’, the so-called Sinhalese rulers/persecutors etc. I am no different to them, nor separate from them, as life, we are equal and one. There is LIFE, and there is the MIND. So LIFE unite us as ONE while the MIND divide us.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see/realize I am equal and one to all those former persecutors in Sri-Lanka. As I see/realize, I could have done the very same things, had I taken birth within their communities and acquired the same brainwashing. I mean its only the brainwashing that is different. I was brainwashed as an ethnic Tamil minority person, while the persecutors had opposing mindset/brainwashing. But when it comes to LIFE, we are equal and one that is beyond any brainwashing.
So this is my Journey to Life. I commit myself to walk out of nationalism and ‘love for motherland’ etc, I don’t need all that shit anymore. I don’t need ethnic identities, I don’t need national anthems, I don’t need motherlands, as I belong to this earth, I am an Earthling, easy to say however, so I see/realize I have to walk an extensive self-forgiveness process on this to remove all my childhood brainwashings.
Btw, congratulations for the cricket team, awesome display of skills and talents. Be a real champion, study the desteni message, take responsibility to change yourself and change this world.
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