day 548: fearing others and hiding from them

HumanI was reading this blog about ‘fearing others and hiding’. I think I will pick up on that for my blog tonight. Sometimes that’s a cool way to open up a topic, by reading another’s blog and expanding on it, if that point is relevant to your process. ‘fearing others and hiding’ is something I can easily relate to.

I forgive myself for fearing people.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear people and hide from them.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear being with people because of the belief that they are smarter than me, or they know more than me, or they are cooler than me

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear people because I believe that they are very smart and therefore they may not like me, or we wont’ be a good fit for conversations.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear successful people believing that they will judge me as a looser.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear people with lots of friends believing that they wont’ like me because I am not socially well-connected as they are.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear Indians believing they may not like me because I am not one of their kind when it comes to ethnic details.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear any group of people believing that they wont’ like me and wont’ include me in their group for whatever reason.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear people in general.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself fear ‘well connected’ people within the belief that I cannot be part of their established networks.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear cool and hip people within the belief that I cannot fit-in with them as I am not as cool or hip.

What I notice here is that I have always got justifications and reasons to isolate myself from the “others”. In this I forgive myself for seeing the “others” as some kind of an enemy that I must fear. This “other” could be anyone, a white person, a Chinese person, an Indian, women, a rich person, very highly educated person, a popular person, it seems anyone that I have formed some fear-based opinion about. My list of people whom I fear is a long one indeed, some I am even embarrassed to mention.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear so many kinds of people, yet the common theme is, I see them as superior to me, and I see myself as less-than to them.

Some of the points here I have to take it up in my private writings, as I need to expand on it more in great detail. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear men who are successful and into sports within the idea that they can get any woman they want. So I have a strange fear of them.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear men because I believe they will get all the attention from my mom and my woman leaving me all alone and isolated. Within this I forgive myself for fearing men.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear women, within the idea that they can reject me and discard me anytime like how my mother did, within this I forgive myself for fearing being rejected by my mom.

When and as I see myself fearing people and hiding from them, as in not facing them, or not socializing with them, or not participating with them, I stop, I breathe. I see/realize that fear of others have kept me isolated and in hiding for so long. I am living my life as if I am constantly hiding, I mean this sucks, so I no longer accept a life of hiding for myself. Instead I direct myself to communicate, participate with others.

When and as I fear being judged by others, I stop, I breathe. Because I see/realize it is not that others are judging me, in fact, it is me who judging me. And I fear my own self-judgment. 

Please join us, let’s get to the root of the problem and then solutions. 

Desteni.org – Participate in Forums or Search Desteni Material.
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Equal Life Foundation – Facebook Stream for Unfolding Events.
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