day 551: self-corrective statements (blame)

For tonight’s blog, I am sharing some self-corrective statements I wrote for my desteni-i-process assignment today.  Blame is a multi-dimensional beast (well not blaming blame there), but it is a beast, it has so many angles, tunnels, ways and means to survive. I have identified blame as one of the main patterns to stop within myself, it has brought me much trouble in my life, so it’s never too much to write about blame. If I could stop blame entirely within myself, I think, I will qualify for noble prize, I mean, all through my life, I have face/lived with this pattern, blaming is like breathing, so ingrained within myself, so time to deconstruct it, and certainly the tools are here, investigate for details.

When and as I see myself going into the emotional energy charge of ‘sadness’ as and when I notice another is getting blamed or scolded for anything, I stop, I breathe. First of all, I see/realize that I have a tendency to quickly wrap myself with sadness, which is nothing but an energetic possession, which is not self-supportive, and does harm to my body, because the energy has to be mined from the body, so clearly I see that getting all ‘sad’ is not the way out of this.

And secondly, I see that I am taking on a ‘savior’ attitude here, trying to ‘save’ the victim of blame, so in that I am trying to play GOD or Savior only to make myself to FEEL GOOD, but how strange I make myself FEEL GOOD by first FEELING SAD for them. So lots manipulation going on here, I mean how insane is that: I feel SAD to FEEL GOOD? Neither of which is required. I don’t need to be a savior, and I don’t’ need to feel sad in this scenario.

So how can I effectively participate in this situation and be of any support? Here one person (like my dad) blaming another person (my mom), and me hearing the scenario I go into reactions, taking sides etc. Again I see the taking-sides point which I dealt with before, as I see/realize taking sides is not supportive. So next thing I see that, I am reacting primarily because I blame too, just like my dad, I blame people, I scold people, so in the spirit of bringing these points back to myself, the first order of business is STOP blaming within myself.

I mean this scenario is a reminder to me, that I DO THE EXACT same thing, I am a blamer. It is easier however to see that pattern in another. So looking within myself, realizing that blame construct-pattern exist within me, I stop, I breathe, and I direct myself to NOT take sides, I direct myself to NOT allow SADNESS emotional energy to wrap me, I do NOT allow myself to blame the blamer. Obviously if I could participate in their conversation and be the middle-man sort of making peace, then, I can offer to bring some common sense, realizing blame is not cool, I can support them without reacting/ or being a savior. Again this is not about my dad or mom, or their conversational patterns, this is about me, this is about deconstructing the stuff I am allowing within myself.

So when and as I see myself getting all sad due to seeing one blaming another, I stop, and I breathe, I don’t allow anything to move within myself, I do so first stopping the sadness within me, then stopping the savior tendency within me, and not blaming the blamer. I remain here simply breathing in and out, till any energy movements within me slow down, and it will, I realize reacting from that energetic space is not supporting anyone.

When and I see myself treating any woman as some less-than entity whose sole purpose of existence is to be a slave to man, I stop, I breathe, I see/realize even a slightest form of judgment, perception, opinion, view I have about women is disrespectful and subtly implies a less-than attitude. I direct myself to hear/listen, look and communicate that respectwomen and men as life as equals.

When and as I see myself feeling a sense of physical pain as I notice a person is blaming another, I realize it is my own reactions/energy movements within my body, I realize there is nothing I can do at that point, so I direct myself to breathe and remain calm till the pain/energy within my body goes away.

When and as I notice others blaming and me gearing myself to react towards them, I stop I breathe and I don’t allow myself to condemn them, I remind myself that their experiences, brainwashing, pre-programming led to their current situation and behaviors, therefore I see me reacting to their blame is useless. Instead I stop my judgments and reactions towards them.

When and as I see myself blaming another, even in the slightest form, I stop, I breathe, I do not allow blame energy to be activated within me. I support myself with breathing and remaining here.

When and as I see myself taking sides, as in taking the side of the victim against the villein, I stop, I breathe, in such moments, I remind myself as a point of reference: that LIFE doesn’t’ take sides, LIFE supports all as in what is best for all, practically. So taking sides doesn’t make any sense.

When and as I see myself labeling another as “must be the worse human being ever”, I stop, I breathe, I see/realize and understand, nobody just becomes the worse human, it is their mind-conditioning, brainwashing, pre-programing which I see/realize can be changed, indeed. Bringing this point back to myself, I see/realize how I judge myself as the ‘worse’ at times, and how I dwell in pitiful self-judgments. So when and as I see myself judging myself as ‘the worse’, I stop, I breathe, I realize this is accumulated energy/memories at work, I don’t need to feed it any more, I direct myself to breathe and remain here as breath. 

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